Oh Boy

so, its Christmas, and I just hosted a fun little Christmas Eve party, I love Christmas Eve the best...

But my Dad is also in the hospital, let this be a lesson to you, if you are sick longer than a week, go to the doctor... My dad is my main reader of this blog, so.... that means you!

It started with a call from my step sister, who was contacted by my dad's neighbor, who had waited as long as he could before calling the family. Having asked my dad several times I guess... anyway. Ron, the neighbor kept checking in on my dad and the last time he was very sick and incoherent, so off to the hospital he had to go.

Turns out I have pieced this together his cold turned into a systemic infection, pneumonia and a bit of renal failure, not awesome, but I hear they were confident he would bounce back.

Now I have to think, what is the proper level of concern, I tend not to panic, I have to take into consideration what can I do, can panicking (why do we spell this word this way?) help. the answer is no, panicking never helps.  I contacted the family I have information for, and I am sure they will contact everyone else. Its hard that I don't live closer.

So, I emailed my younger older sister, and my aunt. And my aunt read the email and grabbed her coat and shoes and was out the door. God Bless her. I know Ron said my dad didn't want to bother his sister, but once you are in the hospital, too bad. Thems the breaks.

I feel a tad bit guilty because I continued with my party, and actually I only told my roommate, and future roommate about it, and made merry, but with a tiny worry blanket over my heart.

But I keep hearing my dad say Oh Boy, like he does when you tell him bad news.

Oh Boy.

no new job

I didn't get the Job at the 5th ave, did I mention that? No, I wasn't even sad about it, I wanted to make a bunch of money, but I like having a life too.

I am seriously behind on candy making... this is sad.

Christmas is just around the corner, but I would like to just take a wee nap.

Pre-Christmas

well, I get a bit crazy this time of year.

I blame ... the weather.

anyway, I am trying to make candy for everyone for christmas this year, but, I've also been a little sick, and I generally lack motivation on a good day. But I have made some, and I am on track for finishing enough for the Thursday morning mailing. I have until Friday for cheap postage anyway. And who says it has to be their by christmas!!! Geez!!! stop pressuring me.

I actually I'm not bad off for my goals, I have the boxes, and all the ingredients, and half the caramels are done, well 2/3s really, and its time for marshmallows. hurray!

(no-sequitor) So, thats good, I am making a vinyl star wand bus pass holder, and that might be trickier... its going to be awesome though!

I applied and interviewed for a job at the 5th Avenue Theatre, and we will see, I should know by the end of the week, but I waffle on whether I really want it or not... I think the fact that it is year round is making me a bit sad, but.... I can do stuff when I do have down time because I might have a bit of cash. sigh. I don't even have it yet.  I was a bit worried, I would have to jump right in on the start date having to know everything and be on the top of my game, but I looked at the calendar, and it looks like there are a few weeks of prep type stuff before Spamalot loads in. Anyway. The interview went well by the way, but I know the other candidate, and she has more leader type documentable experience, and they know us both, there might be others, but they are from out of town I think.

So, my uncle (and Family) have been inviting me to holiday events lately, usually on shortish notice, well, just Thanksgiving and Christmas, so far, which is very nice of them, but I'm not at a loss on what to do with myself since my mom died, for the holidays.  And while yes, I would like to see them, they are not on the top of the people to see on the trip to California.  I wish I were richer, with a more regular job, to be able to plan a long vacation and see all the family, but I didn't chose that path.  One day I would like to go on a vacation to some cool place I have never been before too, but sigh.  I know they don't mean to be irritating, and I'm sort of an ungrateful family member, not ungrateful, selfish... maybe... anyway. And they did visit me in '95, and take me camping.

well, these bourbon marshmallows are not going to make themselves... and it wont be Christmas without them.

P.S. is it possible to go through life and not have heard of Hanukkah? I know its just a little holiday, so maybe?

well...

I just finished the resume, its like pulling teeth with me.

and I can't figure out what I've done on the writing program, to break it... okay, its not "broken" but I unengaged something, and now this super useful thing that helps me format is gone.  I guess I can finish the tutorial, and maybe it will tell me what to do, or do I just post on the forum?

Its funny, Im not exactly hopeless on a computer, but I'm not great either, maybe if I spent more time....?

there are so many things to learn in this world.

and I have computer games to play....

oh well.

the resume is written and sent, so, thats one thing to mark off the to do list anyway.

oh, I just finished Glass Castles by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir, about... a screwed up family. The problem with memoirs are you want to follow all the people, not just the writer. I thought it was pretty good though.

a little reading

A few folks read my first draft of the first 3 scenes, my only scenes.

It was bizarre, it was strange to hear it not in my voice. Played more for Camp, than my dry humor, but not unfunny.

Happy Post Thanksgiving

Hello,

I'm thankful for turkey. The end.

and Bourbon.

And candy thermometers.

and mixers....

I had a lovely Thanksgiving, at the home of a friend who is hosting my future second roommate, while the truly complicated future house that I am going to rent gets its act together. I'm getting a little bit irritated by the whole thing, and I'm not sure if there is anything to do at the moment. But I figure we rent it for a year, and see what happens.

But for my friend Sabine, I made marshmallows, 'cause, whatev's how hard can it be? Turns out, not that hard, and I'm fired up by the ease of candy making, and the fact that there is a bunch of sugar in the house now. So, if you think you might get a present from me, it might be home made marshmallows, and I'm thinking caramels.

At this very moment, I am procrastination writing a resume and cover letter. I have been asked to apply, and I would love the job, for the position of assistant properties at the 5th Ave. The pros are its exactly what I love to do, run shows, but its year round, and between 48 to 80 hours a week, at $30, which is very nice, I could pay off some long standing debt, and maybe, buy a house or something.  But, along with writing some plays, it would be my entire life, and I sort of like the free time I have now, to be active in the union, sew, read, have friends, see other plays.  Its a quandary.

oh well.

I best get started.

procrastination

I sure am good at it.

one scene done, and now I have watched a few tutorials on how my writing program works.

I'm a dope.

Life is more interesting

So, my life is generally not very exciting.

But my friends have decided to open a theatre company, and while I think they are wildly crazy. They are enthusiastic about my Late Night Sci-Fi Cereal  Serial Space Puffs.

And I am excited to be able to do something like this, its terrifying, because if its just a crazy dream, then it can always remain a success in your mind, but if you actually try to do it, and you aren't as good as your imagination, well... there you are. So, its helpful to have a group of people be excited about your idea, and commit to doing it. So, while I only have a rough outline of how the Pilot Episode should go, I am now committed to writing something.

On Friday, Christina had had the idea to gather some actors, and improv some scenes, I wasn't too sure about it, but I can't poo-poo everything all of the time. She said she knew a few improv folks, but we should also have auditions, so I put out a notice, it seemed sketchy to me, and I think I may have made it seem even sketchier, by my skepticism, and by not following through, in a timely manner, the three actors who had expressed interest in coming through my audition post, didn't actually come. And, since, I didn't really know how it was going to work, and Christina wasn't sure either, it had just seemed like it might be a good idea, and none of the other folks interested in being part of the writing group showed up that Friday, we didn't actually write anything.

But then two people showed up, to watch.

So, we very quickly conferred, and I have to write out about 4 or 6 scenes for next Friday, and if no one comes, then Tim and Christina, and I will poorly act them out.

I am halfway through writing the first scene.

5 1/2 left to go.... at least I know what they are going to be about... ish

a post is coming

I had been planning a little post on why I think I was sad a week ago.

I was sorting it all out in my mind, and well in doing that the urgency seemed to pass.

I think it was a perfect storm of things, I can get moody, and maybe a little depressed, but I have never found dwelling on it to be effective, and maybe, its not really depression - just life. But there are days I am overwhelmed and sometimes I just read a book while laying in bed, but it gets boring after a while, ya know.

But anyway I'm not exactly sure how it started, but I think it had roots in helping my friend who is getting divorced, from a guy who has serious addiction issues. And in someways she is a point of her life similar to the one I was in when I left my mother's house.  Obviously its different, because the nature of the love between a parent and a child is different than between romantic partners, but that feeling that you could have loved them better on your end, and on their end they are thinking the same thing, because they are blaming outside forces for their life, and you are blaming yourself. Both are wrong, but you have to stop engaging in this dance... and its hard.

But thinking of that time, brings up memories of feelings, and those are terrible to fight, because you shouldnt have been feeling those feelings, but you were, so the memories are strong, and you fight in your brain about it. And the memories of that time, are all what is it about myself that makes me unlovable. The craziest part is, I HAVE ALREADY WORKED THROUGH THIS! I have cried those tears, and come to terms with it, and I was lovable, and my mother loved me, she was just... broken. All that bullshit, I have been passed it for years... its infuriating.

In the beginning of this ... spiral... I was talking to one friend who lost her father this year, and we are hoping to get a group of partially orphaned friends together for some Scotch, when another friend (this was at work) asked if she could go, since her stepfather who had raised her, was basically dead to her, and at that moment, I realized it wasn't the same, I would have said it was the day before, but not now... its all fresh, fresh in all its stupidity. I have mourned not having a meaningful conversation with my mom about anything that ever happened at any time in the past, a million times in the last 20 odd years, but it unaccountably makes me very sad now.  There is nothing I could have done different, but still she was my mom.

Which brings me to possibly the last piece of the little puzzle, a game people play is the my parents are crazy and they have messed me up... blah, blah, blah.  and two of my close friends right now, play the game, and they are a bit dramatic about it, and sometimes, I pipe in, then they jump in to defend their poor mothers, and disparage my bad mother, and they can't see how I loved her at all.  But she was my mother. One said her mother would adopt me. Well, I have had other mother figures in my life, but for better or worse, they aren't your mother. I don't think its an obligation of blood, necessarily, maybe early formative years, the codependent validation of the parent child relationship? I don't know. But I had my allotment of mothers, and I am sad my original one was not all the story books said it should be, but I don't think I need another.

This whole episode of grief sort of surprised me in how sad it made me, how much I could not shake it off, it lasted about two weeks, then I cried a little about not wanting someone else's mom, and it lifted just like a cloud.  I'm a little weepy right now, but I think I'll rally.

nanowrimo

only three hundred words today, so when I get some time to work on this, I will be very far behind, well, Ill do the best I can, what else is there to be done.

maybe

Maybe I should make a goal to post everyday of NaNoWriMo.

Maybe.

today I worked two shows, and slept in a bit, tomorrow, I clean my room... no seriously, and write some.

but now, I should go to sleep.

Peter and the starcatcher

well, Today I went to work at 2am, and I got off work at 10pm,

since they added me to the run of Peter and the Starcatcher, its the story leading up to the events in Peter Pan.

but it was a long day, and the week will also be long.

I had one show tonight, two tomorrow, one friday, two saturday, and two sunday.

At least it is a funny show.

a pretty good idea

when I set up Google Chrome on this laptop, I set it so my blog page, and NaNoWriMo, and my gmail all come up.

which is great.

things I am likely to procrastinate into no doing, suddenly too easy to not do.

it makes the updates more mundane though, so, you will have to live with that.

Today on my list

CLEAN MY ROOM

and some other stuff.

so far I have spent 40 minutes looking at the Chinook Book coupons on my phone. Win.

I am mostly healed from my cold, which is about the right timing, 9 days, mom always said.

I have er get to work tonight at 2am, some Load in at the Moore Theater, afterwards I think I will go use my coupon that will expire on Thursday... see, it was worth it, the scanning the coupons to find the one that was expiring.

moping in Seattle

had a few whiny moments today,
can't decide if I'm depressed or grieving... maybe both... maybe just the weather.

but I bought some fancy bath bombs, that will work, right.

It doesn't help that my shoulder hurts.

But, while I haven't figured out my built in camera.

I have uploaded a creative writing program, and windows office (sorry dad, I should have sent my copy to you, but it never occurred to me, anyway, as soon as I can meet up with my friend, you will have microsoft office too, maybe fancier than my 2010.)

I wrote about 1/2 page on my novel, and the character list for the scifi web/play series whose working title is Space Puffs.

and I have made chili.

I also have made contact with the future birthday girl.

I have not cleaned my room.

lameness

I can't figure out how to use the webcamera on my new laptop.

its very irritating,

like the cat currently begging for my attention, so she can sit on my hand.

which makes it very hard to type, I would show you but I cant figure out how to turn the camera on.

sigh.

new strategy

So,

with this new laptop, I set up google chrome to open the blog page, so far it has made me write blog posts, but then I"m excited about it all at the moment.

This will probably pass.

I tried all sorts of things to make my camera work, but I can't figure it out.  Most perplexing is quite a few forums have the question asked, then it sort of apparently resolves itself.... So I don't know. If I cant figure it out by Friday, I think I'll take it to the computer place and ask them if they can either show me, or if we can figure it out.

You see, I want to join the future and learn to Skype... that might be fun... though I guess I can use face to face on the iphone...?566666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mm, cat.

anyway.  I have a few things planned for the day, but I need to get started, tha'ts the hardest part, right?

But, I need to

1. clean for an hour
1 1/2. start crockpot chili
2. go to the Office
3. Check my email
4. go to the library
5. visit the new yarn store
6. Call Megan
7. write audition stuff
8. clean for an hour
9. I really should decide what I want to write for NoNaWriMo

I wish there was a camera on this computer so the world would see how this cat is sitting on me, but oh well.

things I need to do today

the main things I need to do today are:

1. Take a bath
2. Clean my room
3. write a resume
4. vacuum
5. write audition annoucenments for facebook
6. set up event for Megan's birthday
7. write response to auditioners
8. download open office
76uyyyyyyygnnnn                                                                 .03
Sorry, that last post was Trixie, by the way, its another day in Fogtopia (people are talking about Stephen King novels to discribe this fog) And my Wrist hurts for no reason, I am tempted to go to a doctor for it, where they will say, we obviously can't see anything wrong with it, so why did you come in? argh! I hate western medicine.
9. See if Mel is going to this party tonight
10. go to the library
11. buy spanx camisole?
12. learn how to use strike through

13. braise a beef heart
14. go to farmers market
15. get baking powder

old ghosts

So, I suspect its the changing of the seasons, but I've been a little down lately.  I just lost a bit of this, so I am not sure how fresh the next paragraph will be... yikes.

A combination of low motivation, and unmet expectations, have made me whiny, and mad at myself, but also, I'm not sure what exactly brought this on, but it seems I have to go back and revisit every issue I have ever had with my childhood, and general self esteem. Its awesome.

But I whined about this a bit earlier, and then erased it, so you don't have to read it now, but it might be because I have been helping a friend deal with her divorce from someone who is dealing with addiction, and is selfish and manipulative. Plus, my friend is very codependent and well, I've been there, and its rough.

Now, enough about that, I am updating this on my new laptop. I got it from the cheap laptop place, and I think its going to be great. I might not actually need a laptop, but its going to be useful in the next month, for sure, as I try to write a play or two for my friend's new theatre, and I am applying for a job as an assistant to the business rep in my local.  We have had some difficulty in the recent past with the workload of our business rep, and since he is leaving in January, we would like to help him out and try to make the job not too onerous on the next guy.  I have been asked personally by our president to apply, so, I'll give it a shot. I might also apply for a props assistant job, but that hasn't been posted yet.

Its strange, but I might be a little sad because I need to start thinking of myself as a grown up, I tend to think of myself as a kid, and I think of women one of two years older as being much older than I, and women ten years younger as being my peers, I think this might be a disservice to myself somehow.

Anyway, I also signed up for NaNoWriMo... but I'll tell you more about that next month.

New theatre newsletter

(From a theatre I'm helping to start)

Hello my Friends,

As you already know, Christina and I are starting “our” own Theatre Company here in Tacoma!

We are calling the project “Working Class Theatre NW”.

This is our purpose statement:

WCTNW produces relevant, thought-provoking theatre for a wider audience. By expanding the boundaries of a normal theater going experience, our artists challenge you to askWHY. Anyone can make theatre. Everyone should have the knowledge and access to participate in theatre. Theatre is a tool for everyone to share their stories and learn from the experiences of others. 

We produce shows that matter, by artists who care, for a reasonable price.

Here is why we are excited!

We are planning out a season of 5 shows and each of those shows is geared toward the working class of Tacoma.  We are planning our Season opening in March!  But for the mean time we have to do some fundraising and get some buzz out.  November is “ART at work” month in Tacoma, in which the city advertises arts awareness throughout its municipal network.  We thought this would be a great time to let Tacoma know what we are planning for the future.  And through our partnership / sponsorship with “Spaceworks!” the timing is right!

Things are moving forward quickly as we have found a space (for free!) for the month of November.  We have been given access to the large courtroom on top of the Old Historic Post Office in Downtown Tacoma.  At this time we are planning a lot of stuff, most of which is full readings of the shows we have picked out for our season.  So, almost every Friday and Saturday Night in November we will have a Full read and capped off with a large Gala / Party at the end of the month.  So here goes…

 

TtFriday, Nov. 8 = Full read of "Zoo Story"
Saturday, Nov. 9 = Full read of "Enron"
Sunday, Nov. 10 = Kickstarter Interviews with cast members and Directors
Friday, Nov. 15 = Full read of "Life in the Theatre"
Saturday, Nov. 16 = Full read of TBD
Sunday, Nov. 17 = Full read of "Sunset Limited"
Friday, Nov. 22 = Full read of "School for Lies"
Saturday, Nov.23 = Full read of "Tracers"

Friday, Nov. 29 = "Going Postal on Black Friday” Gala and Party

One of the main reasons for all of this is not only to create buzz, but to use as material for our Kickstarter Campaign!  We will be filming all of the readings and collecting interviews of cast and directors.

The “Going Postal on Black Friday” Gala is going to be the MAIN Event.  We want this to be an event that is the big fundraiser for the month.  We want to present prepared scenes from each one of our shows, kind of like a telethon / auction.  Present 5 minutes of one our shows, and then auction a few things off. So on and so on…  So I’m looking for 2 five minute scenes from each show. We also want to show video of the interviews and readings earlier in the month.  We still have a lot to plan out for this, but I just want to give you an idea of what we are expecting to pull off.

You are some the most talented people I know.  I am so excited and honored to be able to solicit your help and expertise!  I want you to know that throughout this email I have said “we”.  That is not Christina and I, it really means “WE” the greater pool of theatre enthusiasts, at this place, in this time. With your help, we can provide an exciting and sustainable Theater Going experience for many years to come.

I would love to get you all in one room together and talk over details and logistics. I am open all weekend if we could get together Oct.18 – 20 anytime.  I will buy beer!

Please give me a call with any questions.

 Thank you so much!

Tim

 

I want to leave you with this:

 Our mission is to provide and encourage, a quality, inexpensive, Theatre experience that is grounded in the diverse culture of Tacoma.  Working Class Theatre NW builds community through productions of theatre that are socially conscious and relevant to the issues of working class peoples today.

Our theatre is accessible to people of all backgrounds in order to increase participation in theater arts and promote the shared values of empathy and social Justice.

 

 

4 months since my last confession.

I don't know how I think I can write fiction, if I can't update my blog.

Anyway, I ran spotlight this summer for Stu for Silverton, worked a little, thought about moving, took my older cats to the vet, and generally did not update my blog. 

My friend Christina decided to get a space from Spaceoworks in Tacoma, to make into a theatre, I've decided to write some plays, because, seriously, how hard can it be?

I am moving from the shitty apartment, in December, the current estimate, but this might change, don't worry my friends, I am more put out by the delay than you. But it will happen! 

My older cats are both 13 this year, and while generally healthy, they are getting older, this makes me sad. I didn't take them to the vet for that reason though but because I am going to be moving in with some dogs, and they will have more exposure to the various cat viruses, an I felt a booster wouldn't be the worst idea. Now one cat has to have special kidney diet, and the other gets a supplement for the cat Herpes. Which means they all get these things. Yay! 

I am fixing to write, in a writing team, a late night sci-fi show, which will be strongly feminist, but in a different way, I'm just flopping the male to female character ratios, and making all the characters in positions of leadership be female. At one point, if there comes a time that I have more than one male character in an episode, I might have them just talk about just women. As a response to the movie scale out there about female characters in movies, who never talk to other women about anything other than men, and sex.... I can't remember I what it's called exactly. I also want to make "don't be such a boy" be the same insult as "don't be such a girl" ( I often look back on my ER trip when I tore my ACL, and because I was no longer crying, and was cowboying up, they thought it was just a sprain, you know because girls are crybabies) Anyway. 

I also might want to try and write a play by myself, because a title some of us came up with, tickles me. Ambiguity and the Oxford Comma, as sort of a drawing room farce, or maybe something Pinteresque? I'll have to read more plays.

Randomly,

I make excellent French onion soup now, and I am super Excited for Thanksgivunakkah, the first day of Hanukkah falls on Thanksgiving, for the first time ever! So, latkes in turkey gravy, amount other things. I may have described myself as an Atheiest Buddhist who celebrate Jewish holidays and Christmas. Or maybe it was in my head. 

As always, I vow to be better about posting.

In which I catch up

So it's been a while since my last post, there is a draft of a post, but it's incendiary, and I'm not sure I will ever post it, which sort of means I'm part of the problem I was going to talk about... Anyway.

 My last post was April 22, hmm, what has since then... A good question. I'll work back from today.

Today I am hanging out at a friends house waiting for a water heater guy and some guy who is going to caulk her tub, she is working at the opera from 9am to midnight, and just recently had to have her husband put in jail for being crazy... But that's not really my story to tell. 

There are rumors I might be moving in the fall, to something more south, this is just in the rumor stage, and it will be with Pat and the friend whose house I am currently sitting in, now there is a slight possibility that this friend and her husband will miraculously be fixed, and she won't move but this is very remote. 

So, further back in time, this summer is a Wagner's Ring Cycle summer at Seattle Opera, it's sort of a big deal, it's 4 Operas in rep, that tell the story of the Ring of the Nibelung, based on the same stories that also inspired Tolkien, and at 17 hours of opera, it makes Peter Jackson look like a star of editing. It's also massive, and a bit epic, plus, it's 5 weeks of lots of hours. So, something to brag about and you make a little money. Well, there was a distinct possibility that I might have had enough seniority to get it, but alas I did not, so, a bit disappointing and now I have to scramble about for the summer, but, since finding out I'm not on that, I got a little spot op job, and a tiny job at ACT, (which might lead to more) and I guess I'll have to get some projects done. 

Before this, and leading up to ring prep, my friend Christina decided she wants to open a theatre, they have this thing in Tacoma, called space works, and people can get grants to use empty buildings downtown, so downtown looks less, well, empty. There is probably some fine print, about improvements, and getting out on a moments notice, but whatever. So she and her husband are going to start this theater company, and my main contribution is, I'm creating a late night space opera serial, which I also hope to post on YouTube as a web series. And everyone is pretty excited about it. What I know about it so far, is the lead character will be female, she will be slightly sexist towards men, and possibly slightly racist towards white people, though her skin tone is not decided at the moment. The sexism will be ever so slight, one example, if three people are lifting something, and two are female and one is male, she would ask the guy if its too heavy for them, or ask if they need to trade out.

(This happens to me all the time, if I'm with a group of guys working, someone will always ask me if I'm ok lifting that, and I would freaking tell you if it's too heavy, besides when it's to heavy for me, it's too heavy for you. Another example would go like this...

JACK: I will check on the generator.

CAPTAIN: Jill, why don't you help him with that.

Or 

JILL: I'll go check on the generator.

CAPTAIN: Do you need someone to help with that?

But anyway, Christina likes Star Trek, and I prefer the more renegades in space, like Blake 7 and firefly. And I have put the Doc Smith novels (the first space opera novels they say) on my kindle. So it will be a mix of those. 

Before all that, I went on the Puget sound yarn crawl, with my friend Erika and our friend from knitting group, Beth. The whole thing is 24 yarn stores from Blaine to Renton, and there is a free pattern plus the yarn to knit it is on sale, at each store, and there is a daily drawing at each store, and a big drawing at the end. So Erika (who is a friend from work) and I only made it to 17 stores, while Beth made it to all 24. But I won two of the daily drawings. Mostly though its a giant road trip, with yarn. 

All my mama drama is largely concluded, I had asked Al if he would look for a scarf I knit for my mom, which I sort of would like to have, and he sent me a box of random crap, nothing worth keeping, or even remotely symbolic of my mom, when I thanked him (politely) he replied he was now done with Sylvia's family. So, I've written him off. Oh, I take that back, I got my moms copy of the Gregson memoirs, I've tucked that away. There are some things in the cedar chest and some pictures she painted, I would like to have, or give away. I tried to say as delicately as possible, can you tell whoever you have planned to take care of your effects, give them my number for any of my moms crap you are currently keeping, but however you do it, it sounds greedy. And morbid.  

Oh well. 

That's about it, for now.

As always I plan to do better about blogging.

Mini stay cation

I forgot to call my availability in for this week. So, I won't have much work.

I might regret this later, but I'm going to enjoy it anyway.

I have a few social things that might happen, but I'm going to try and keep it to a minimum.

Well

Was there a period of blog in mourning?

Maybe.

My family on my mothers side is a bit... crazy.

I feel very disconnected from them, I should say my uncle. I don't really talk to anyone else, and he isn't a listener, but I feel guilty if I don't try.

But my mothers death I think has inspired my uncle to have a family reunion, in the summer, so I can't go.

I feel weird about family sometimes, isolated by my black sheep mom, then making my own family, getting away from my mom. I didn't live close to any actual family. But even when I lived with my friend Keni in high school, I imagine I could have lived with family then instead, but I didn't. And I feel like the time to make those close ties are over.

It's a little sad.

Other than all that... life has been fine. A little work, a little not working. I have too many social obligations. And it's easier to watch television rather than work out.

Something different

http://youtu.be/QPKKQnijnsM

Sad news

This post might be more... process-y than normal.

You see, my mom died.

Last Wednesday.

Her husband was too over come to contact me right away, I get that, and there is nothing I could have done anyway.

He says he has made arraignments for her cremation, as per her wishes.

In his email, he then went on to compare this tragedy to other horrific losses of his past, which makes it seem like grief should be a competition. And I won't play.

From seeing my mom around other people, and moments growing up, I know her to have been an intelligent, funny, interesting person, cooler at times than other moms. But I wasn't what she wanted. I'm not anything subversive, or alternative, just a girl. But we were a disappointment to each other I guess. It seems simplistic to say we didn't get along because she was mean. It seems petulant, and childish. At least to say it. Because... as the kids say today, it's complicated.

In my dealings with Al, the husband, he has always been churlish, and a bit mean, and I think he has a slightly bloated idea of the amount of respect is owned to him by me. But if you deal with him cautiously, and with a level of empathy, and you don't expect any of that back, it works out.

Enough of that, I did have a moment in the last week, or possibly last month, and I recall it as this last week, where I wondered to myself if my mom would visit me when she died, like she always said her grandmother did, I do know my mother believed that she would be able to watch over the people she loved. So, that's comforting, and possibly spooky, if I want to think of it that way.

On a purely greedy note, not really, I wonder what will happen to her precious family heirlooms, her cedar chest filled with report cards and christening gowns? I want to ask, but I know I can't, and I mostly want to ask because I know I'm not "getting" anything. I've always known I won't get anything, especially if she went first. I'm not sure I want anything anyway. I certainly don't have a place for anything. Besides Al is a little heartbroken for me to be having any sort of conversation about this, for... well, a very long time, if ever.

One last thing, I sort of want to make my uncle be a better person and send Al a sympathy card. But I won't bother.

Almost a week

Wow, I almost stopped posting again, but I remembered!

It's been a busy week in Bunnytown, on Monday I hung out with my friend Tori, but I forgot to give her the cape I made for her son. Boo, and we went to a new bar in my neighborhood, which was entirely too expensive for the bad drinks they were serving, so, then we walked across the street to paseos, and had fancy Mexican food, and margaritas, and it was better. I was then hung over the next day. So sad.

Tuesday, I went to Costco, and a quilt store in the morning with Cole, and in the evening I watched my very first live google hangout, for a book group I follow on the interwebs. It was interesting, I am fascinated with all the cool new media that keeps cropping up, and I want to do something fun and cool with it, but I have no ideas. Boo.

Wednesday, I bussed down to Tacoma to look at Christina's fabric scraps, I meant to also schedule a massage for a spa I have a gift certificate for, but... I didn't. Then I was going to catch a bus downtown by the spa so I could schedule one, but we went to goodwill by the pound, and meet up with Cole there, and I bought too much stuff. So, then I figured I would take the offered ride with all my crap, but because Cole came later, and I hadn't eaten a big lunch the next thing I know it's 430, before we head back, and I have a headache, and I'm cranky. So... That was good, and a bit annoying.

Thursday, I met up with Christina and Erika at the yarn shop for a little in store knitting, so much easier to organize, if its at someone else's shop, and if no one shows up, I'm just knitting with Betty. I worked on my clapotis.

Friday I met up with Lauren, and we knitted in Ballard, after she bought some knitting needles at the Joann's craft store. I did not buy anything. Which is sort if amazing. And Friday evening I went to the book launch of mongoliad 3, it was at the sci fi museum half of EMP, and it was a little interesting, a bunch of authors I have heard about were there, (ok two) but, I hadn't heard of the book, or project before, and then when I looked it up, it didn't seem very interesting, and a little bit more of let's have a giant book where nothing happens, three times, but there was free popcorn, and something to listen too while I knit. There is always free beer and wine at these things, but... I have cut myself off a bit... That margarita was strong.

I also learned a new word... which describes my apartment at the moment... Craftermath, which is the aftermath of crafting. It's scary in here!

Casual Vacancy

Well, I finished the new JK Rowling book, I don't often read contemporary fiction, and this one was pretty darn good, in a European - not necessarily a happy ending, but not preachy sort of way. The last two I can remember having read were The Lovely Bones, which I liked but had an element of magical realism, and My Sister's Keeper, which ended on a self righteous preachy note that enraged me. (I am trying to stop myself from going on about its moralistic, god bullshit.) The movie based on the book reversed the outcome.

But Casual Vacancy was good, I was skeptical, and I only got it so I could say I wanted to support JK Rowling's ambition to write something other than Harry Potteresque fantastical fiction, but I really wanted the novel to be terrible. Not that it matters, it's not like she is someone who would write just for the money.

Well, I need to feed the cats, before I beat them bloody- they are so irritating, and I need to take a tiny nap before I work an overnight tonight, loading out War Horse (which is super cool, and I will be saving up for a ticket for the next time it comes around.

New books

If there is a theme for this year so far it's an inability to complete anything. I have not finished a single knitting project, and I have started four additional projects.

This may have tried to creep into my reading.

This year I am trying to read at least a book a week, and I am trying to mix more fiction in as well, as is always the case as soon as I read one thing, I have five more books I must read next, displacing the four I didn't pick from the time before that, it's vicious, but ... I want to try and keep up with myself.

But at this minute, I have two hours left of an audio book of Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling, and two hours left of Bridge of Birds on kindle, when a library book became available Lone Survivors, about how homosapiens became the only humans, and how we know it. And I want to drop everything to read it, never mind it's going to push Emigrating From Earth, back to standby status.

Plus I got the next assignment for the S&L book group, Downbelow Station, and the next title for VF BG will be revealed on Tuesday!

Arrrrrgh!

Artist trust auction

Art I liked

Farmers Market

So, today, I needed to go to the library and Joann's fabric store, and it so happened the farmers market was right there! So I bought some veggies. Yum.

And I got what I needed at the fabric store, plus a neat thing so I can use cones of thread, nice since I bought a bunch of thread cones at value village years ago, and then I sewed some stuff, a blanket and two pillows, and I spent the rest of the day cutting fabric for other projects.

Who needs a hot pad?

The picture today, Trixie approving the new pillow.

Madrona

Yesterday I went to the annual Madrona Fiber arts festival, I didn't feel to inspired to buy yarn, it might not be a knitting year for me, I think it might be a sewing year.

Anyway I did buy some cool stuff though, a holder of patterns with matching magnets, a project bag, with farm animals on it, (I freaking love bags, have I said this before? ... Anyway) a contraption called a knitting nanny, that you stick your center pull ball on and it spins around, some knit by cards, and yarn for a new clapotis, this one will be lighter weight and spring colors.

After that, we went to the quilt store, I am making a quilt for my roommate, of trains, it's based on a pretty basic pattern I found online, I had planned to do this five years ago, but it never happened, but now I have time and a bit of cash, so, since it appears to be a sewing year...

I have a week off coming up, which is excellent, I hope to get a few things done around here, and maybe see my friend Lauren, go to Costco with Cole, and sew. And maybe start running again.

Happy Valentines Day

Well, I have fallen off the blog wagon again. Lets see if I can remember what I have done in the last two weeks

I worked the show and out for Muse, at the Key Arena, and I was a head electrician at the Sheraton for Freeman, for the Microsoft Tech Ready conference. Which is a twice yearly conference on all the crap Microsoft is doing. As Head Electrician, my crew (of 3) and I hung and focused 18 light over two days, it .... Made feel guilty for taking their money. But it worked out great!

since then I have been working at the Paramount almost everyday. But now that War Horse is loaded in, I have nothing for about a week. So, I can get some crafty things done.

The Dude on My Couch has moved out. Hallelujah! So, The roommate and I are modestly fired up to redecorate and clean the place up a bit. Well, we are going to paint some walls I think.

I might even try and borrow the carpet cleaner from Tori again.

Oh, I'm also excited because I .... Bought a kindle, answering the what is your eReader question, and I love it, I can read trashy novels and no-one will know! I could go on and on about my justification of it, but I think I won't. I have also ordered the Game of Thrones season 2 DVDs, and while I was there at Amazon, I got the new Nick Cave album, which are both coming out on the 19th, which then lead me to getting tickets to Nick Cave at the Paramount on April 7th. Now I have to wonder if I'll get the load in and load out of that show, which would cause me to come out just about even. I don't have a date yet, but I'm not worried yet.

One more day of nothing.

I have plans to clean the apartment, and do some yoga.

I work tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday, then I'm possible off again for 4 days. I must be more better! (Hehe). I am washing the sheets today, and comforter... since a kitty vomited on them last night. Joy.

Maybe I'll take a picture of something.

The University Bookstore Reading of Dennis's newest book.

Today I went to see my friend read from his book, One Gay American, I think he is so brave, to write not one but two memoirs, and working on a third! His first was so painful to read, so good, but of a painful addiction to something very unusual, that came out of a childhood coping mechanism, that came to nearly ruin his life. I'm only a third of the way through his second book, and it seems less intense, in a good way.

It's about his longing to be a bride, to be beautiful and special, he didn't want to be a girl, but he wanted to be swept away, and to be accepted as he was, and not feel that he wasn't good enough because his father didn't want a sissy boy.

I can't say what conclusions he makes, but it's interesting to see how a fantasy can grow, as he struggles to feel loved.

Whoops

Long time no blogging. Sorry.
Lately I have worked a little. Knitted a little played a few games. It's been two weeks or so since my last post.

Anyway lets start with work, been working a bit, did the load in for Book of Mormon, loaded in Whim W'Him at the playhouse (formerly the Intiman) as an official employee of Cornish. Not sure what will happen there, but I'm torn between caring and not wanting to give a crap. That's a diatribe for another day. The nicest thing about Cornish playhouse is they gave us a 15% raise from the Intiman rate. So that was nice. I did a tiny corporate gig with Hollywood lighting which they poorly managed, it was going well, so they cut back too early. And they cut the load out from twelve grips to 4. I took that cut and walked away, since it was going to go from a bit boring to irritatingly hard and everyone frustrated. Plus I wanted to see a movie that night. Then I did the Book of Mormon load out and another load out at the paramount, a focus at Seattle rep and a load out of the opera. So, not too slow for January.

I've noticed something lately between the big venue jobs (5th ave, opera, paramount, ballet) in contrast to the smaller venue jobs (Intiman, rep) the small venue jobs will fill all your time with busy work if they have time to fill, like letting you be idle costs the theatre money, even if you are ahead, and have been cut early, you still have to work all the way to the end of the hour, even if there is no real work to do. An extreme example of this is once I went in to the key arena (big venue that thinks its small, to be fair it's run by the city) at 4am to build the stage for an incoming rock show (the venue owns a stage if touring shows do not have their own, typically it will be built before the tour folks walk in the door. So, we are done even with the busy work after 3 hours, but since we had a 4 hour minimum we had to sit there until 8am.
My point it's irritating. With the big venues you have enough people to do the job, and when you are done you go home. It's one of the reasons to do the ring over the Intiman this summer, it's only $3 more per hour. But.

Anyway, I'm bored with this talk now. Dude on my couch days he is leaving the first of the month! So exciting. I haven't painted any walls yet, but there are plans. I have hung with the friends, and it was good. My friend Erika had her fibroidectomy/ hysterectomy and is seriously on the mend. Tori should read this and think of when we can hang out. And I'm starting an elimination diet with the roommate. This is to confirm that it's wheat/gluten that's bother some. Might be something else, Christina did it, and she seems to be allergic to eggs, and a little bit dairy. I had a reaction to some chicken soup I made, which didn't have anything I thought was a problem, so now I have to include the nightshades vegetables. Boo.

That's your update.
Here is your obligatory promise to do better. Followed by whatever pictures I like.

Last few days

Catching up with Downton Abbey. I've not been as productive as I dreamed I would be, but I failed to give myself time off. I worked on Monday and Tuesday at the paramount loading in the Book of Mormon

I got off in the afternoon Tuesday so I bought a sewing book for myself, and one as a gift. I also bought a bag, it's canvas with leather straps, for only 5 dollars! I deserved it. I wonder how many bags I have??? And I treated myself to Thai food. Then I came home and painted my cork board.

Then Wednesday I finished up Peters cape and generally lolled about, until it was time to go out with Lauren, we went to Brave Horse, which I think is a Tom Douglas restaurant. But we only had drinks and snacks. I'm going to try and hang out with Lauren more, she is very calming. And I miss her.

Today I got off to another slow start, mornings yuck. But I worked out, and made nutballs and dropped off Game of Thrones for Erika (she had a hysterectomy yesterday) and went to knitting with Christina at So Much Yarn. I really do like Betty.

Now I'm watching Downton Abbey, via wifi on my iPad. The irritating thing about it, is its having trouble with the last 15 minutes.

Ah, good night.

My birthday

My birthday was very nice.

On my birthday eve, I roasted a duck and did a repeat performance of my French onion soup, the duck was very rich, good, but maybe not my favorite, but it was a big hit with the roommate and dude on my couch. I also made gluten free bread, a treat, and the roommate made a gluten free cake - chocolate. It was good, but it gave me a headache.

Then on my birthday proper, I met my friend, Erika for lunch, I had pick a cool restaurant, but the Seahawks were playing and it was crowded, so, we went to a little Greek deli, and it was great.
Then we met up with Christina across from the theatre, at a market with a cafe, had some hot chocolate, and we hung out until the movie started, when we were joined by Lauren.

The Hobbit was... Good, but long, and they could have taken ten minutes off of every fight/flight sequence and the whole movie would have been an hour shorter, and no one would have noticed. Or it would have been more pleasant. I'm not sure how much they added, since its been a while since I have read the novel, but I'm pretty sure they added the strong foreshadowing stuff. The 3D was interesting, at time it made it look very cool, at other times it was distracting, the oddest part of the 3D was the foreground was often blurry while the background was crystal clear. The High Frames Per Second, which I didn't really notice at the time is what gave is a high definition video feel, which to me looks like over lit 70s BBC video. I don't like it in televisions either.

So, I was glad I saw it.

After the movie Lauren left to go to dinner at a friends house with her husband, and Christina, Erika and I when to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Where I bought a new laundry basket.

Then I came home. My life is pretty exciting, I watched the last few episodes of the first season of the Big Bang theory, and now I'm about to go to bed.

I work tomorrow. Yay!

Resolutions 2013

So I made about 15 resolutions for the coming year, mostly the theme was being more productive creatively and getting into shape. And learning stuff, but mostly creative stuff.

I'm in the bath (I love my ipad) while I write this so, I'll get to the resolutions in a minute.

So far the new year has not been too shabby, I'm a little bit down, it's a post New Years birthday thing, once every other year or so, I get moody about the bday, it's so silly and petty I hesitate to mention, except, well, uh, I've already started. It's my birthday being at the end of the holiday cycle, no one really wants to hang out or do anything big. Sometimes if I already have an idea, and it's what I really want to do, I just plan it and if people want to join me great. But if the plans fall through (spa is closed on Sundays) and the king tut exhibit is sold out, and the two people I'm sure can come out with me are either not drinking right now, or don't drink at all, so, no use inviting them to have delicious cocktails. Sigh. I was just going to give up, but I think I'm going to a movie, the Hobbit. With a few friends, there might be lunch before hand, I'm making Christina organize the movie thing. I need to buy myself a new laundry basket. To be honest, I might just have a drink by myself. Meh.

But you know I'm just a bit over it, I want to clean up the Christmas tree, and pack up the merriment, and get on with the year and my resolutions. But I will also eat cake.

The resolutions
1. Keep up the blog. (Good news for you)
2. Create one piece of art a month, not knitting though, that's separate.
3. Knit everyday. I have a sub-resolution of 26 pairs of baby socks, then I'll have a stock for a while.
4. Lose 60 pounds.
5. Workout everyday. There's a breakdown of what when, but I'm tired.
6. Keep my room organized
7. Story idea everyday
8. Learn how to write a novel.
9. Read a book a week, the economist doesn't count, even though its like a book. And I mostly read it every week.
10. Watch a movie a week, this might be negotiable, but I certainly need to make use of my seattle film festival membership, $5 movies are the way to do it.
11. Keep the apartment clean, this is either by nagging, or doing it myself. This will get easier as I do some deep cleaning, there is a timetable, but this is fluid.
12. Write two knitting patterns, I have the one idea, and I just need to chart it, then learn how to put it on a computer PDF or transmitable format. It will be great.
13. Take my vitamins!
14. Eat at least one vegetable a day, I'm usually good, but it goes down hill super quickly when it gets busy and I need to keep and eye on it.
15. Dance to at least one song a day. I have decided that even though its a bit of a cheat dancing while seated on the bed sort of counts because the cats look very alarmed, and that is soooo worth it. Cat judgement is hilarious.

So my daily check list is
Yoga
Abs
Vitamins
Study
Blog (this one, or the craft one, or the weightless one)
Diary
Veggie
Read
Knit
Dance
Idea