not quite a year.

Sorry I haven't updated this blog in nearly a year, its been, well A Year.
The past few years have been eventful, to recap, in 2012, my mom was diagnosed with dementia, and in February 2013 she passed away, I wasn't very close to my mother, and while I loved her, much of my sadness involved regret, regret that it wasn't different, regret that I didn't have the relationship the media tries to sell you as the ideal.

In December of 2013, my father was found unconscious in his home, and diagnosed with acute pneumonia, he was unresponsive for over a week and in ICU for 3 weeks, then spent some time at a convalescent home.  One of his doctors, kept running tests on him and they discovered the underlying cause for his pneumonia, which was Multiple Myloma, a blood cancer. Years of living with untreated multiple myloma causes pneumonia, and kidney failure. He seemed to have recovered a little, but it was long and arduous, but ultimately he passed away September 14th, 2014.

I didn't feel I could really talk about how I felt at that time, on this blog, because 5 people read this, and one of readers was my dad.

If you are sad because someone is going through a terrible time, it still isn't that cool to whine about it where they can read it.

That said, he was a fair to middling father, awesome when compared to my mom, but I sort of raised myself.  As I get older, I can forgive many faults, parents are just people, but I see more too.  He liked strong women and was weak around them, which sort of explains my mom, and my step mom.  More on her later. Regardless, though he was a flawed person, he was my dad, and I loved him.

I know I am not really an orphan, I'm a grown up, and I have sisters, but its strange to not have the imaginary safety net.

Anyway, while he was sick, I didn't want to talk about it, and after I just really couldn't, because he wasn't reading it anymore.

I want to keep online journaling random things, maybe with an actual purpose, but I don't know what that is, as usual, I have more ideas then sense, and still addicted to procrastination.

Also, I have my own health issues I am dealing with, but I can't decide how public to make my struggles.

I am at tech ready all week, so you might get another update, with more or less information.

love ya.

muscle tension

I have the worlds tightest shoulder muscles.

I feel like I should introduce testimonials at this time, but that would be silly.

But anyway, I have super tight shoulder muscles, and I have no idea why, they have been tight for years, if I were to guess, its from shoulder injuries back from waitressing.... but having had a mastectomy has not helped.

anyway about 4 months ago, I developed a painful lump on my neck, I googled it, and did some exercises, but it really didn't help much, and finally I went to the doctor. Which is a bit of a process, as I don't currently have insurance, any month now my insurance should kick in, but not yet.  I can go to the country doctor (low cost, who will not turn you away for no insurance, they bug you about signing up for insurance, which I don't qualify for free, and I don't want to bother with having two insurances should I actually ever get really sick. Enough of that.

I finally went to the doctor for it, hoping to be told go to a chiropractor.  Now, in my brain every lump could be cancer, but having had cancer its not a funny joke anymore, but I never actually thought this lump was cancer, the amount of pain generated by it makes me think its structural in some way... (I am actually more worried about the persistently itchy spot on my back being cancer, which is not that worried) Anyway, the nurse practitioner was concerned, so I have to go to a real doctor today. But she did give me some muscle relaxers for my back.

I was very excited about the muscle relaxers. I even followed directions and cut back on my obscene use of Advil, (which I felt when that wore off, let me tell you).

I took my pill, and after about 20 minutes I felt great, well, mostly pain free, it was awesome. I am supposed to take them at bedtime, and I did, but 2 hours before I actually went to bed. I didn't take my usual bedtime cocktail, just the melatonin, but the pill wore off after a total of 4 hours, and I tossed and turned and used all my tricks to sleep an hour at a time. So, not a complete success...

But this morning the lump on my neck seemed smaller, so, there's that.

I feel stupid whining about my sore back and shoulders,

I really hate how having had cancer makes other people uncomfortable about joking about having cancer.

Anyway....

On with the rest of my day.

the Bad one

I have been very bad about blogging, I have been bad about writing too.

Procrastination... thou art my friend... not

there has been a little bit of work, which is nice, and a little bit of down time, which is also nice, but I have a giant mountain of things to do...

but all I want to do is play on the computer. Although, yesterday I read an entire book. It was fast. and that was nice.

I am listening to a book on willpower, and I'll work on those lessons, as soon as I finish this computer game... I promise.

So, lets see, the Wolf camping trip is this weekend, and I can't really go, well, I can... but it would be needlessly complicated, I would have been partially in charge of things, and I don't want to be. Plus, the cat transfer is Wednesday or Thursday, and I would like to be here for that... too many times other I feel like other people get the glory for my hard work, when I let people in at the end. I want to be the one that Desirae thanks for watching her cats for 3 months, rather than Pat saying, its was no problem at all...

Plus I need to get some shit done... but we will see about that.

But right now, I am going to scoop 6 cat boxes.

The workout week in Review

Okay, I have some lofty goals for the month of July.

I want to do the Zumba dvd, 5 times a week, yoga 7 times a week, or once a day, go to the gym at least once this week, and start a fairly restrictive diet. (after the 4th, but with some practice before then)

I also have ordered a physical therapy book on necks and another on shoulders. So I want to start doing exercises to strengthen those muscles in an effort to reduce my pain, because I am sick of it. Gerrr! I am going to try and have a daily check in and have them auto-post on Sunday. (I guess I am doing it Saturdays, because the calender works that way.
Maybe I'll add word count to my list.

First off, current Weight 190
Space Puffs WC 1,193
Jennie WC 0
Blog WC 0

Sunday, I worked at the 5th Ave, and I wrote two blog posts.
Motivation... maybe, accountability... hopefully.


Monday:  Zumba, Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises

Tuesday: Zumba, Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises
I walked 2 miles.
Wednesday: Zumba, Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises
I walked another two miles, but did not do zumba... sigh. I did have lunch and shopping with Christina, and saw Nick Cave with Cole at the Paramount. 
Thursday: Zumba, Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises
no, real excuse. anyway
Friday: Zumba, Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises
its the 4th, and well.... there is always next week, right.
Saturday: Yoga, shoulder/neck/heel exercises, gym?
cleaned some stuff. 


Saturday -
weight: 190
Word Counts
Blog - meh, not going to count this....
Jennie - 168
Space Puffs - 1860

well, not the most successful week, but hey,

My life so far, again.

Ok,
so I am watching to additional cats, while their owner runs away to the circus. Their names are Sprocket, an all black cat less than two years old, and a great love bug, who loves face rubs. And Widget, who I suspect is a Bengal, she is less than a year, about 11 months or so, and full of curiosity, and no sense. Her favorite game (aside from escape) is ambush, and anything she can hide under to jump out at other cats or people is her favorite place to be. So, this has added some liveliness to the house. My cats are ok with it, Bovine is the most angry, which is not surprising, she has not had the best move, or the most tolerant disposition, she is a string of cat profanity when ever she sees the foreign kitties, and my roommate Cole, that its both very irritating and a bit amusing. Alice is ok, but the fact that her running up and down the length of the house as been curtailed by the kitten's desire to chase her. And then there is Trixie, I don't know what is up with Trixie, but all the cats find her a bit intimidating, and I have never seen any aggression out of her towards another cat, its just mystifying!

Aside from cat shenanigans, life has been a bit boring, there has been some work, some of it fun, but not a heck of a lot of work, which is worrying, and poor making. I have had a bit of a run on crap going wrong with my body to emphasize that I am poor. Example is I chipped a tooth, but I'm not in any pain so, I'll wait until I have health insurance again. These things make me a bit sad, whats frustrating is I have a reimbursement account I have to use up before December, but I don't feel like I have the spare money to spend... its a quandary, I have a plan though, I'll let you know.

I have been an extremely bad Daughter, in that I have not called my dad since I got back from California... in March. I do think about calling him almost everyday, usually late at night or when he is in dialysis.  Sigh.

I have not written anything for my play, thought I have an idea for a different play in my mind, I hope to start working on them today, actually. But it depends on chores, and blah, blah, blah. I need to take the lessons of NaNoWriMo to heart, and just make a time to write everyday, even if it means just staring at the screen for 4 hours. I might need tough love for it actually, or a personal coach? I don't know.

I find it easy to write when I sit down and stream of conscience it, like now, whether its coherent or not is a matter for later editing, actually.

I should reaffirm some goals for July.
write everyday, and post on the blog, say three times a week?

The Great Kitten Escape

Hello,
again, long time no post, I am terrible.

I would like to open up with the tale of my morning this fine Pride day. I did not go to the Parade, I was sort of invited, but not really by the roommate, and I sort of did not make an effort to go. Instead, I woke up late, and made some coffee and started making some breakfast. I start doing something in the sink, and I look up, and out the kitchen window. I was going to add a picture, but my devices aren't speaking.

Anyway I look up and see a cat in the backyard. And this cat looks like the kitten we are watching for the summer... Is that the kitten we are watching for the summer? Where is the kitten? Frantic cat count, Alice, Trixie, Bovine... Check, Sprocket (other visiting cat), Check... but why is Sprocket looking intently outside, and Kitten (Widget) not accounted for, yikes! I scoop up Sprocket and tuck her in the spare room, and scurry outside barefoot, in my robe, to see the kitten contentedly playing in the long grass in our upper back yard. I breathe deeply, now is not the time to panic, I chat with her a bit, and encourage her to come get a cuddle (cat trap) but grass and under the dilapidated shed are more intriguing than I am. So, I run calmly back in the house, throw on some clothes, find my flip flops, turn off the frying pan, and grab the yellow feather on a stick.

So, I'm up in the back yard, playing with the kitten, must not seem desperate, or she will run under the shed... We think something might be living under the shed, what, we aren't sure, but sometimes we imagine a family of feral cats, opossums, or even a raccoon. I also worry that if I frighten her, she might take off down the alley, where I have been told a fairly vicious dog lives... The kitten has very little sense. Anyhow, I try not to let this show in my demeanor and I try to coax her to the lower backyard. I am pretty successful, actually, and we start to head in, it even looks like going inside is the kitten's idea... but Alice is hanging out just outside the door, the kitten comes up to her for a friendly sniff, like we practiced just this morning, Alice calmly obliges, then smacks the kitten 5 or 6 times about the head. The Kitten then decides inside might not be where she wants to go, and she heads down the side of the house to the front. This is just a minor diversion though, and very quickly after this I apprehend the runaway, and we head back in.

I shut the window, where the tear (kitten made) in the screen allowed her to escape. Released the other cat from cat jail, and resumed my breakfast making. I get everything ready, and walk to the table, set down my plate, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a kitten shape in the front window, I attempt to apprehend her, when I see that she isn't escaping. SHE IS COMING BACK IN. Oh, crap, no window is safe. I go back to the cat room to see the kitten casing that window.. I shut it. I mentally review the list of windows, check, all are closed.

I eat my breakfast, and then write this blog entry.

big update #1

I haven't written in about 2 months, I think, and that was just an excerpt from my bad partially written play.

Lets see, the big thing is I finally moved. It was a long haul, but it finally happened, and its pretty good, all things considered.

There is some work to be done, even now, some minor structural things, and a lot of cosmetic things, and some stuff we just want to do.

what do we have here, mostly some pictures of the front yard, my new lavender, my new roommates leg, my solar lights in my yard, and a new concrete path we are making.

a couple of pictures of my room (blue walls) and random neighborhood shots.

next up, another picture of my paint job, two pictures of bovine, on in the bathroom, an ice cream cone from the Neighborhood Local Ice Cream Shop! and Ginger, one of my roommates dogs.