Christmas et al.

So, my Christmas was very nice, stockings and a gift certificate for amazon, which I have already spent.

Exchanged emails with the step father, and it was a misunderstanding, he is tired and under stress, I feel for him.

I've been totally dragging my feet on cleaning/reorganizing my room, how much procrastinating can a girl do? A lot.

I am on a "break from doing it right now.

It has to be done by Monday, since Christina is coming over to help me clean some walls and paint one wall, lavender.

I read The Name Of The Wind, and Wise Man's Fear, oh which there was a recent big fuss, and I have a few things to say, one, the world is pretty great, and the first book is very interesting. The second book was more of the same, and at a 1000 pages it was a bit tedious. You learned nothing new about the main character, but his bad traits become more glaring. This character lies all the time, I'm not sure he has told the truth to another character more than three time total, although now that I think about it, maybe only once. Now, I'm going to read the third novel, when it comes out, if it is the final novel, if it miraculously becomes a quartet, I will read the spoilers on good reads and wait for the final novel. That being said, when the novel that I thought would never be over was over, I missed it. And I've been thinking about that.

I have thought about writing, and bad novels make me want to write more and good novels, like I'm am inspired by bad-ish art. And I have run into this sort of problem before in a novel I liked, but then didn't like or got bored with the sequels. These are writers who sit down and let the words flow, with out a specific destination, or they know where they are going, but nothing in between and they are enamored of their world. It's a problem I have when I think of a character and a world, I just want to let the character wander around in that world, but now I see I'm going to have to work on a path, since I don't want to be like those authors.

Well that's about it.

Happy new year

Holiday Cheer

Got this email today.

Sigh.

I do "get it".

I bother, it makes me a bad person, I don't bother, it makes me a bad person.





Laura,
We got your card, I showed it to Sylvia, it appeared she read it, no reaction and no comment (she only talks when she is pissed & sometimes in her sleep). I guess you do not get the reality, she is "non compos men to". I put her to bed, I get her up, I feed her, I turn on the TV to programs she likes. I cook dinner at which I suck. I catch naps when I can (I sleep in the living room). I wash her bed clothes every day and change her diapers 2 or 3 times daily.
Do you get the picture? Hopefully I do not die before her, otherwise she will be screwed.
I hope you have happy holidays.

Grievance!

Well, the roommate and I had a big tearful talk, and we have come to an understanding, of sorts. We have both been out of sorts because of how grubby this place is, and we are both going to cleaning the heck out of the place, with a little decorating on the side. And I'm also in charge of assigning chores if something needs doing,this part is a little bit lame, and I will have to get over feeling like a parent, or bad guy. I have had a bunch of work lately, so I've been a bit tired, and it's hard to motivate when it's a bit overwhelming, but I am going to break it down into some chunks, and recruit the dude on my couch.

I have worked a few interesting things lately, first of all, I did the pre hang and load in of Elf at the 5th Ave, and I got to keep working on it for quite a while, not the run, but notes in the morning, which is nice, since you can do other things, and it gets you out of bed in the morning, plus I like all of those people. And I also got to see the show opening night. (Which was last night) I also worked the Deck The Hall Ball, which was a lot of work, but not terrible, the first band (of nine) was an obscure band (The Joy Formidable) I knew from an obscure podcast, (RadioNoWhere) so, hipster heaven there, and they were ok live, but the second band, Of Monsters and Men, was pretty good, and I'll probably buy their cd. They rest were all good, but I got bored.

I also worked the load in of UFC (Ultimate Fighting Challenge?) whose big match is tomorrow the 8th, their entire crew was super nice, and the work was nice and mellow, this can be a huge change from some of the sorts of crews big events can have. Some times a crew can be cranky because of the production management, and sometimes they will have just worked too many non union venues, and then they are quite condescending and mean... But I guess not everyone can coil a cable without constant supervision. Enough of that.

Although that makes a good segue to my next fun activity. Today I wrote a grievance with a co-worker, because my house job has bad management. It's a little slice of the same crap but different, extra irritating because they are so close to being done for the next six months, why can't they just refrain for being stupid.

Well that's it for now, but well, I am sure more will happen next week, like cleaning, and visiting with my lovely friend Tori

Awkward

So, I had a tiny confrontation with the roommate, and he was apologetic, except that he was mad that I yelled at him in front of dude on my couch. On one hand I feel bad about it, and on the other embarrassment is effective. I'm going to start putting it on my brand new to me white board. What he owes me. And of course on that note, he still owes me $12.50, but I think he thinks he gave me extra. Awkward.

Blah.

Yesterday I did nothing all day, and now I feel like a lump. It was nice, but seriously, there are things to be done, I like to blame the roommate for being a motivational suck, but at some point I need to rise above it or something. It helps if I pretend I live alone.

I just noticed I'm all doom and gloom, I don't really feel that way, one more gloomy thing though, then I'll move on to fun things.

My cat Alice was sick two days ago, she had some shivers, then she threw up, and skipped dinner. She ate breakfast the next morning, and is alert. But she still refuses to purr, she looks all sad while she was allowing me to skritch her head. It reminds me of when the vet once accused her of faking a little, but I prefer to call it being a drama queen.

On a better note, I bought some beautiful shoes! Pictures to come soon, they were expensive so I hope I love them forever!

And I've been working quite a bit, lately, which is nice, and this last week I only worked 4 hours every morning, a nice change that gets you out of the house, and you are done working before you would normally be awake, and you can get some running around done.

That's about it

Thursday

It's hard to think of good titles, especially when it's just an update but maybe I should just title it after quit writing. Computer is good, but slow.

It would be awesome to have a morning alone, to fuck with the computer. But this is not about that.

I have started two new blogs.... I know, I know, I can't keep this one up, and the craft one, pshah!
I have one on some things I want to learn, and one on losing weight!

We will see... I am sure it will be great.

Hey, that's what the title should be.

Laziness

I'm trying very hard to motivate.
All I've done so far is make a turkey soup.
I tried to make it all savory with no sweet elements, so no carrots. It's a bit of an experiment, but I think it will be delicious. It's pretty simple, just turkey stock, and the boiled turkey that came with it, onions, celery cabbage and some left over squash... Which might qualify as a sweet element. Oh, here is also some veggie bullion, and turkey bullion, and black rice.

Pat has declared he won't try it because it has surpasses its turkey soup window. Which is the Saturday after thanksgiving. Friday is too soon, Sunday is too late.
I don't think it will kill me.

I worked yesterday, at the Key Arena, loading in and loading out Transiberian Orchestra. Again I was struck by how much some of the road guys can be huge dicks. Next year I plan to have a party on load out night and drinking with the other snarky stage hand folk. Bonus, my friend Megan will be old enough to drink, so she will be invited.

In a not as rosy happy post, I am once again not super thrilled by my housing situation. We have Pat who is on disability, and he gets money once a month, in the middle of the month, which is inconvenient for me, but there it is. To pay his rent he had been floating a check, hoping it would be good, and the landlords really do take forever to cash the checks, so it's not an unreasonable gamble, but he was banking with chase, who would charge him $35, mostly because they are assholes. So this summer we made a deal, to help him be able to leave his bank, and get his disability checks on a government debit card, he would give me the money for the rent as soon as he got his money, this is either a perpetual loan, or I covered one months rent as a gift and he pays me in advance for the next month. Then, in September he was sick and his mom paid his rent, and I wondered, WTF happened to your money? Granted, he gets less than 800, and his rent is 525, but... Anyway. Then October comes, and he gets me the rent money a week after his money comes, and mocks me a little for being worried. And now it's one and half weeks after his check comes, and nothing yet. And I am worried. I have the whole rent, but I might not for January, and why the hell should I have to have the my roommate is irresponsible cushion anyway?
To make matters more irritating, I am coping with the great computer debacle 2012. And I need to get the vacuum serviced, and I have a dude living on my couch.

Since I'm venting, lets talk about the great computer debacle, about 6 weeks ago the motherboard on my computer gave up the ghost, and while there are things I prefer to do on the computer, I do have an iPad and an iPhone, so I'm not greatly inconvenienced by this, it's harder on the roommate, but the guy on my couch has a laptop, so there has been no huge rush, and while the whole time I was pretty sure I was going to have to cart the fucker to the computer repair place. I played around with it a little, because the BIOS page would come up, but not boot, so I frankly thought it just needed a boot disc. I knew that while the harddrive might be corrupted that was not the problem. Anyway. At one point without my permission guy on my couch, fired it up and concluded it was the hard drive, and told the roommate this. I know he didn't mean to imply that I didn't know what I was doing, but who fucks around with someone else's computer, without being asked, if they are not damned sure they are more qualified. Or if you do think you know more, don't you say, hey, can I take a look, I'm pretty handy with a computer. Anyway I had to yell and him and basically lose my shit! And I gotta ask, would a guy touch another guys computer, without asking on the assumption they know more?

Moving on, I took it to the computer place, they said it was the motherboard, yes I trust them, the computer was a package deal, so, very unlikely to be able to get another motherboard, to work with the case, etc. so, now I'm computer free. Which sucks. I can go quite a long while without a computer, but there are something's I can't do. And Pat uses my computer, so, while I can wait, there is a bit of urgency.

So, I ask around my stagehand folks, and a few people tell me about interconnections, which sells computers that have been used to test software once then donated, and they are pretty cheap, plus they teach a series of classes on how to build your own computer! A Godsend! And they have low income computers, if you can prove you are low income, or a student, they sell laptops for $200 and desktops for $150, and Pat is definitely low income. I hatch a plan. I will buy a computer through Pat, and we will use this computer until I can take the classes and make myself an awesome computer of dome! And then Pat can keep the computer we bought through him. Everyone wins!

But sadly, they don't offer classes anymore. I found out when I went to see what they had, and what you need to prove low income status, I looked at the computers, and they are serviceable, and they have very few computers for non low income, but there was one gaming computer, and I sort of fell in love a little, and it was only $500 which cuts into the cushion a little, but it would just solve all the problems and look awesome. Oh, the places we will go! So I buy it. I take it home, by bus, in the rain. Foregoing the peripherals, since I have them, and I am taking it home, by bus in the rain. I get it home, and I need a adaptor for the monitor, since the computer input is DVI and the monitor is VGA. Funny, I had one before I took the old computer to the doctor. Crap! I run out to RadioShack, I hate RadioShack, a lot, I had to glare at them during the mandatory slow pedantic condescension, to find they don't have it. Er! I ask on FaceBook, one guy has it, he'll give it to me at thanksgiving (yes this means I'm almost done with this story) but its Monday, so, I go out to the computer place on Tuesday and buy one for $2, at RadioShack they were $16, go home plug everything in and, the monitor Is getting no signal. Sigh!

I try all 4 monitor outputs, nothing, I'm 75% sure it's my monitor, but still, so, now I have to figure out how to get myself and my computer back to where I bought it so I can try it with a different monitor and perhaps get the monitor they would have given me, or just return the computer. It's very very irritating. But the plan is tomorrow Cole is going to drive me around so I can take care of the computer, and the vacuum. And I'll buy her lunch.

But the whole computer debacle reminds me, of how much I am expected to take care of all this crap by myself, I could have asked one of my deadbeats to make one of these trips for me, and they might have done it, for a fee, or some other price, but they certainly would never volunteer.

It's frustrating, and it make me feel lonely in my own house.

Thanks for getting this far in my pity party. Sorry to vent.
At least it's not politics.

Happy thanksgiving

Well, happy thanksgiving, the USAs holiday of abundance.

I had a lovely holiday at my friends, Christina and Tim's house, lots of food, and I made them play my newish game Dixit. I normally don't have enough friends around a table to play it, but it's tons of fun.
My roommate, and dude living on my couch, ate back at my place. And they had a good time.

I had trouble getting out of the house, but it all worked out in the end.

Today I braved the torrential rain of Seattle, and I mean torrential, to carry a sign and chant a bit for Walmart workers.

I'm a little tired of hearing that everyone that scrabbles what living they can from minimum wage jobs can't complain because its their fault they are lazy and uneducated. And people who are unemployed should just take any job even if its Walmart rather than be parasites on the government teat. But what about Walmart? Which according to CNN has received over one billion in some sort of assistance.

I know, I know, competitiveness, and market flexibility are important characteristics of a vibrant market economy... Blah blah blah...

I think we need to rediscover some empathy, and think about how much we want to pay the wealthy entrepreneurial class, if the price is human dignity.

I'm also struck by the buzz words floating in our cultural conscience, lazy, parasitical, stupid, freeloaders, similar to when we branded African Americans with the labels stupid, and lazy, after the civil war, as a reason to not help them succeed by being willing to pay them the same as whites. Or employ them at all. In retaliation for wanting to be free.

I remember when I was 19 and 20, working for Denny's, living in a motel room, and not qualifying for any benefits, because even though I was scheduled for 40 hours a week, I only actually worked 37.5 hours a week, which is not full time. What if I had gotten pregnant by my not catholic enough to not have sex, but too catholic to believe in abortion boyfriend. Thank god for planned parenthood, my only regular healthcare from age 16 to 25. And thank god for all the public health clinics, since I got strep throat every six months for over ten years, you know strep throat left untreated can kill you. I don't think they have those public health clinics anymore.

Anyway, enough about that, I've depressed myself.

Here's a question, who is more pessimistic about the world, conservatives or liberals?

Cranky week

It's been a cranky week for me, Adam has been back from his bike trip for a week, and shows no signs of calming down, or settling back into his job. I swear he is more uptight than when he left, but that could be in comparison with his stand in, who is much more mellow. It makes me want to learn to be a carpenter, so I can be master stage carp someday, but then I think, I'm actually not that interested. Oh well.

I might also kill Adam if he talks about what job he will have with either of the new lease holders, since I know for certain I will Not have a job. I might get a little work from being from having worked for Intiman, but nothing full time.

To be fair to Adam, I was a bit of an evil bitch on Sunday.

I went to a Buddhist event Sunday night, it was a tiny bit awkward as, I barely know a few of the people. It was more ritualistic than just meditating, but still interesting. I remember taking the Puja class from this Buddhist group before in the late 90's, after I took their meditation class, and I know I was going to their ongoing meditation evening but I can't remember why I stopped, though my guess would be work. And my guess would also be work interfered long enough that it didn't occur to me to go again when it was over. I wasn't in the union then, so it must have been stage management related. Unless it was green tortoise related. It's a bit of a mystery.

I will probably have the same problem with them in the future since the only day Ivan reliably go would be Mondays and the only thing they have one Monday's is the begining meditator class. As soon as this summer is over I am going to check out another Buddhist group that meets Sunday mornings, which could also be more possible
Schedule wise.

Next week I am going camping with the Women Of Local Fifteen. Ian very excited, but I'm also dreading how tired I will be at the end. Maybe I can post from there.

Oh yeah, I'm 15% of the way to my goal weight. So, that's something.

Stupid job.

I have been very busy lately, but when I say busy, I mostly mean stuck at my job for 12 to 15 hours a day.

I can say all sorts of things about how this went, but it is a public forum, and I don't want what I say to come back and bite me in the ass.

That being said my life is more reasonable, 3 8 hour days and 2 12 hour days, I'm still a bit tired and cranky, but it's working it's way out.

I have been taking a meditation class on Monday nights and that has been nice, I'm not so good about practicing hopefully I'll be better now that I have a little time. I do notice my mindset in certain situations more than before and I also am a little better at being present in the current moment. This is easier if I had been dwelling on something past that was unpleasant but it has helped me.

I'm reluctant to confess this but I'm starting yet another fitness program. I feel confident I will stick to it. I often have motivational problems - my friends are also not very helpful in this regard. But I figure it might be like quitting smoking, keep trying till it sticks.

Well my break is almost over. Maybe. I think. Anyway.

a little geneology fun

for the Seagraves Clan.

Not sure how these folks are related... but we are in their family tree.

This is the link to Grandma Bulah Arizona Presley Seagraves.

Have fun.

Sunday salad

Today I made a variation of my classic raw kale salad.

I'm not actually a fan of kale, so generally the favors are very strong.

Last week I blended some sorrel in the dressing for an additional citrus punch, and it turned out quite good, unfortunately I will probably never buy sorrel again, since I liked it in the dressing but not in anything else. The dressing only needed a handful, and it comes in a bag of about 6-8 cups, about 4oz. I've already forgotten all the components, but there were about 3 limes worth of juice, handful of sorrel, toasted sesame oil, miso paste and garlic.

Today, over 1/2 a pound of mixed kale chopped, I made a dressing of sesame oil, apple cider vinegar, shallots, garlic, miso and water. To the kale I added sprouted mung beans (1/4 tails) and some spicy radishes.

I am quite pleased with the radish purchase, they are nice and spicy, unlike the bland ones I've gotten lately.

I'll give the roommate's salad review tomorrow.

Mother update

So, I spoke to my mother last Tuesday, and was shocked to find she was pleasant. She was a little vague and spacey, and seemed to be trying to multitask, unsuccessfully. Not overly crazy. Which, frankly is a bit of a change.

A quick family history suggests vascular dementia and Parkinson's might run in the family, but who the hell knows for sure.

It looks like the circle of hells are as follows, Al- in the thick of it, me- peripherally involved, and then everyone else. A vast sea of people to whom I can rehash the painful details for sympathy, but I wish I didn't feel so alone in this. I know this is self pity talking, and once I adjust I'll be less melancholy.

As I was moping I remembered talking to a coworker, whose wife had a similar experience to mine, an only child with a mother who was mean, but who got nicer with dementia. In some ways it almost seems like a cruel joke, I had decided to not make an effort anymore, 3 cards a year was what I had decided was fair, Knowing I would get Nothing back. Now, she is nice, and demented. There is some irony or something at work here, maybe karma?

My mother has Dementia

So, yesterday evening my stepfather made what was probably a very hard phone call to me.

He said that my mother has dementia, this is not surprising to me, still it's hard to hear.

He says on a scale from 1 to 10, that she is a two, but she has recently become incontinent, I would argue that she is more like an eight, and an argument for my judgement is I do not live with her so her crazy seems more crazy, and when I have talked to her (last summer) she has had trouble following the conversation, and gets thoughts stuck in her head that she can't stop and move on with the conversation. My friend Sabine also has concluded that my mom is crazy as a loon, Sabine called my mom after my surgery to tell her I came out of it fine, but my mom could not recognize that she was not talking to me, this was May 6, 2010.

I didn't ask, and it didn't seem as though Al (the stepfather) had taken her to an actual doctor for a diagnosis.
I want to bug him about it, but it's for him to decide, and for him to do. It is very unlikely that a specific diagnosis will change her prognosis, especially since there is a family history of a type of dementia.

My mom's cousin has Parkinson's and this might be a possibility, but my mind keeps going back to my grandmother having had evidence of tiny strokes, which is vascular dementia. I don't believe it is the Gregson Crud as my mother has called it. Or at least I do not think it is our exclusive illness.

I'm not sure how much contact I will have with my mom in the future, I don't think her being demented will improve our relationship, she is still a bit of a bully, and how much do you have to put up with really in this sort of situation.

I really feel for Al, the stepfather, because to be perfectly frank, he might be living my nightmare. I feel guilty for saying that... God, family is complicated, especially if estranged.

A long long time

Sorry.

I just get super bad about posting, then I feel bad about not posting... Fantasize about fabulous posts, full of meaning and significance. Delving into my soul, and delivering up the essence of myself.
Then I think, the people who read this want to know am I well... Answer Yes and have I done anything interesting lately. Which is not really, I have been full of plans though.

I am still healthy, still could use a little weight loss, and still a procrastinator about working out. Although I did just rejoin a gym and I ordered sports bras and performance underwear, in a digression typical for me, I am super excited about all the miracles that performance underwear are supposed to ... well ... perform. The Tamoxifen has made me very sweaty. I am also in negotiation with a friend to do some sort of boot camp class. Or I might sign up for some online buddy thing, I need a little accountability but, you have to find just the right buddy... That might just be me.

So work wise, the Intiman is back for an abbreviated summer season, and I have accepted my old position back for that, it doesn't really start until the second week of June, but what are ya gonna do, there might be a little prep work. Anyway, I'll do what I have been doing and that will be okay. I worked a lot this past week, with the load in of Momma Mia tour at the Paramount up here, that loads out Sunday night, and Wednesday was an employee meeting for a large Internet book/everything store that I'm not sure I can mention, I won't write it's actual name, so they can't find me in a web search, I loaded that out today, tomorrow is a rental at the Intiman in the evening and Sunday night load out of momma mia. So this week in busy anyway.

This week is also the socializing week, since yesterday I hung out with Christina and watched the first 6 episodes of Game Of Thrones, and tomorrow Tori and me are having brunch, before I work and on Sunday I am going to VegFest with Lauren. This will be my third year, it's pretty cool, a lot of veggie/tofu sausage, but also yogurt, ice cream, bread and Indian food.

In a segment I would like to call Reluctant Hippy/DIY, I made my own deodorant recently, since after my surgery I have had one armpit be out of control, strange, and the coconut oil, baking soda, cornstarch recipe works pretty well, better than store bought, proving once again, I'm a little bit off.

So, obligatory cat update. Trixie is still licking herself bald in her kitty nether regions, a strange OCD thing that the vet is not worried about, and Alice has decided to mark out of spite, I frankly just wish these damn cats would learn english, but I was trying to figure out what she was trying to tell me, but the last time, when she peed on my jacket in front of me, I yelled loudly at her and chased her out of my room, banishing her until the next day, and at one point making her think she was in imminent danger of being throttled, which she might have actually been. And she has been good so far.

All right, I have to pee, and feed the cats, maybe I will post again soon.

The GOP Overlooked One Thing When They Started This War On Women

The GOP Overlooked One Thing When They Started This War On Women