typing while at work

At this very moment, I am working a corporate gig, for a software developer.

I am the head electrician, its not as highly knowledgeable as you might think, mostly each lecture room has two theatrical lighting instruments, each on a tripod, with a rheostat plugged into its dedicated power. Each room also has at least 4 microphones, a projector, various things to connect each computer etc, to the sound system and video, and a wide variety of these can interact and cause a hum, which can be picked up by the separate recording company. So, aside from the small variety of things that can go wrong with the actual lights, lamp burn outs, and being unplugged, but my real use is to be part of figuring out where the buzz/hum is coming from, it seems to so far never be just lighting's fault. But its ok, they pay me to do it.

What is cool, is I can work on my lap top for the next few days, maybe write a play or something. Get the Outreach stuff taken care of, maybe play a game?

and here is a little picture.

Been almost two weeks

So, its been a busy few weeks in Bunny land,

I am trying not to freak out, or more importantly, get irrationally angry, but, its no ones fault they all have to bother me at the same time

oh, that boy, well its not going to work out.

um, I saw a Play this last Tuesday, and called A Great Wilderness, and now that I think about playwriting all the time, I think about plays in a different way.  It seems pretentious, but there it is. I have always thought about plays in a different way from most theatre patrons, because I know how they are put together, and I know about beats, and acting moments, character arcs and, I know about intention. Theatre people believe our art can change the world, create great movements, etc. But... sometimes what we do is create work that allows the average liberal theatre goer to congratulate their goodness, and I think sometimes we forget who our actual audience is, and create work that... preaches to the choir. I am not sure what the intention of A Great Wilderness was, but I thought it was to make me question the morality of gay conversion camps. But... I've heard it was to make me feel compassion for the elderly gay conversion leader because his gay son killed himself and thats why they created the gentle conversion wilderness retreat.  I think it could have been improved if the two male leads had kissed at one point, because there was some tension, but I think its because I have worked with both male leads, and I would have found it an interesting twist.

Unfortunately for A Great Wilderness, I spent too much time thinking about if I could write a play about the 9 days I was in California for my poor sick daddy (hi Daddy!) and how I got to know my half sisters really for the first time in my life, which was awesome.

The other thing(s) going on this week is the move, and this job I am doing, and great mobilize daddy event.  It all began  Wednesday, the 15th? when knowing this big event was happening at the end of January, which pays very well, and I wanted to do it, I emailed Tonya (future landlord) to see what her timeline was,  I had several options, besides the big thing, and I was willing to be flexible to be able to move out of this damn place, but the answering email was evasive, so, when a show run at the big corporate event was available, I took it. Then I thought... maybe I was asking the wrong question, and I asked, when is the truck coming, and it turns out, she was going to make it out giving us a week (ish) to move in, Sort of.  I had a brief hallucination, that I could move at night while working 12 hour days, but I can't, I might be able to pack a little... Then once Cole and I talked, and Pat talked to our apartment manager, we decided to make an announcement on facebook saying we were moving the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Tonya then got a little miffy, because she had been busting her ass, to get out, so, I sort of understand, but seriously... every freaking step of this process has been pulling teeth, I was afraid this would happen, and I had always thought I would walk away if it got too complicated, but it was too late the second I said it was a good idea to Tonya and to Cole. Because it seemed the easiest.  Now she is bent out of shape because I can't drop everything to go get the lease notarized with her, what part of 8am to 8pm did she not understand, it only just came up today, when we have been trying to figure out a key handover for days, and whether Pat can come paint.  He can't. All this started the second I started working one of my jobs this week (Seattle Rep, Thursday) and on Friday, my Dad got released from the hospital, and a flurry of phone calls, and updates, and all that, and my dad was safely ensconced in his home, and I have done as much as I can. Of Course mid phone calls, my phone took a crap, So I had to make an emergency trip to the ATT store, where the super nice man fixed my phone, he also set me up with my union discount, 18% (but not on everything) and I could give the sisters the all clear on operation mobilized Dad. Today (Saturday) was mostly quiet, work was fun (big corporate event) two of my crew, awesome, one on my crew, annoying.  I was going to try and get over to Tonya's but Cole is working 8am to midnight, at a different location of the big corporate event. so, it was a no go, and after I told Tonya, thats when I found out about the notary business, but I just looked up mobile notaries, and they are like a thing.  Tomorrow, is another long, but easy day... I wonder how else my day could explode.

a less bitter post?

a brief note on yesterday...

My thought today, and I could be wrong, is men often get a pass for wasting a woman's time, with the whole, don't call him, blah, blah, blah.

And I think thats what makes me crazy. I mean, extra crazy. Bean, get your voice out of my Head!

Where I don't feel like I can blurt out, What are you looking for! Maybe because I live in passive aggressive land, or maybe its our culture.

I also have been left with a bad taste in my mouth from an ex boyfriend who for more than 3 months, wasted my time, and I was supposed to play his game....

I was going for less bitter.

I just need to be more blunt, and ask.  Isn't that what being a more mature woman is supposed to let me do.

I had a few thoughts on my novel I started for NaNoWriMo, I think I am going to disregard the "Rules" next November and continue what I started, I might throw out the tiny bit I've written, but... its not the novel's fault for the whole month of November to be co-opted for another persons dream.

Speaking of novels, I am really hoping to read more this year... I had thought I was reading an average of a book a week, but I was not. I might try to be ahead of the game and not read in November, just stare a lot at the screen. I guess I should write those plays....

But anyway, I have been reading Laini Taylor books lately. and she is awesome.

Was there a point to this?

Not a Post for my Dad

No, Seriously Daddy,

I'm going to talk a little dirty.


I feel like I should have a modern, clinical sounding subtitle.  I wrote one in the notebook.
But really... I'm not actually that fancy.

Though this is a little bit about how I think too many options in the dating/personal connection make it so there is no structure to follow. And while we are all supposed to be mature, and talk about things, in the beginning, its actually not that encouraged. But then, while I see the appeal of being blunt, there is a level of directness that can be off putting and crass.

Sprinkle the fact that I am neurotic, and you can see why I really don't date.  Also commitment-phobe.

I used to be a huge flirt, it started when I was young, and it was fun, and eventually flirting can lead to sex. Mostly this is fine, and 90% of the boys out there are lovely creatures who realize flirting does not always lead to sex.  But, 10% get mad at you, for not meaning it as more than an invitation for playful banter, some of them were inoffensive enough to sleep with and let it go. Others, not so much. But slowly I stopped flirting as much, and I have stopped flirting completely (as much as I am able) at work, because I am awkward, and strange and should not date coworkers...

But in my business, in my town, coworker is a board term....

Anyway,

recently, I guy in my local, who I work with sometimes, but not often, started to send me messages on Facebook, innocuous stuff, Hi, you're up late, get to sleep...etc, a couple of times, then a week ago, we just kept chatting, and it got a little sexual. And I will say I am intrigued. I will say I don't do well at spontaneous sexting with men I don't know well, I get... awkward, shy and a little freaked out. Not in a bad way, well, maybe, and I cut it off abruptly before it turned into some booty call.

I am not opposed to booty calls, but, well, I think I need more time. Boyfriends are a bother, commitment is a sticky subject, and yet I cannot recall having an orgasm with anyone the first time I have sex with someone, so, while I don't like to say it... it means I have given up a little. And so I'm out of practice.  A series of booty calls, with someone who sort of understands my schedule, this could be ideal.

But there are other issues, (I am going to go on, and on, but the main issues are I'm insecure, awkward and weird in situations where I am not calling all the shots) sigh, it seemed from our conversation that my main appealing feature are the boobs, and it seems he missed that I had cancer and I'm a boob down. I don't think he is a jerk, so, ultimately if he is into me, it wont matter.

Or, he might be thinking, she is old, fat and lonely maybe she will come over and blow me. I do seem to appeal to drunk and sad men.

This is a terrible post.

I will do better tomorrow.

Posting a link to a blog post,

Of something different than what the politicos and free market capitalists say about Cuba 

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2014/01/07/what_i_was_thinking_while_i_was_there_.html

getting better

This post might be a long one.

Sorry?

Anyway, last night my dad was moved from the regular hospital and into a convalescent hospital, which means his dependence on oxygen is reduced, and the "out going" tubes have been removed, my sister informed me, he is pretty happy to be moving forward. Which is awesome!

I successfully paid bills from my father's checking account, and I now have access to all the money. muahaha, though the responsibility is weighing me down. I need to also start signing him up for medi-cal and Kaiser, and looking into other supplemental insurance.

Another thing I will have to deal with is his living will, at one point, we (my older sisters and I ) thought we were being called to witness my dad being removed from machines that were keeping him alive. Yikes!

But he was on the mend when we arrived, but looking at much of the prewritten living will bullshit, and you realize its been written with the idea that you have had a massive stroke, or unrecoverable heart attack, and yes, if im not going to wake up, pull the plug, if I'm not going to be me, but if you are super sick, and they aren't sure whats happening, hook me up! Can I write that on the living will.  I used to think I was not interested in all the things that keep you alive, if you can't, and now I think... use all the things!

So, on to other things. Did I talk about the drunk guy who liked me on new years eve, I think I did, anyway, I friended him on the facebook, not sure why, but I am hoping he is interesting when he isn't drunk? It just now occurred to me, that my drunk admirers could have beer goggles on, wow, that brought the mood down for a second.  But I am going to assume its because I am too intimidating to approach sober.

But, 2014, might be my year for romance, since someone I know from work, who sometimes chats with me late at night on facebook, well, I let that go on for a bit, on my birthday, and he is at least interested in a little hot chat... is that just sexting now? anyway, its flattering, and I would be willing to go there.  He doesn't appear to be aware I am down a boob, and I am not quite sure how to let that slip in conversation, so he can make an informed decision, hmmm. I did have an odd dream about him though... we were canoodling on his couch, and I got up to use the restroom, which was huge and had three bath tubs, when I returned, we were interrupted by his roommate, Chandler Briggs. Wacky.

One last thing, I saw the opera Rigoletto last night, and it was pretty great, Rigoletto is the servant of this powerful duke, who with the help of Rigoletto uses his power for debauchery. At a carnival party as Rigoletto and the duke, and the dukes men are conniving to separate a countess from her count, for naughty business, a gentleman arrives and accuses the duke of shaming his daughter, and he curses the duke and Rigoletto. After the party, Rigoletto returns to a house in town, to visit his fresh from the convent daughter, and to tell her to not let anyone see her, but he doesn't say why (the curse). Then he leaves, (he is observed leaving by a few of the Dukes men, and after he leaves, the handsome man the daughter has met at church, comes and woos her... (its the Duke). The Duke leaves, and later the dukes men decide to kidnap not the countess, but Rigoletto's "mistress", they are interrupted by Rigoletto, who they convince they are out to kidnap the countess, and they blindfold him, and make him help with their plans.  They kidnap the daughter, leave Rigoletto, Rigoletto discovers what happen, and we are off to the next scene, the dukes house.

The Duke is upset that someone has kidnapped his little cutie, and his men come in an start talking about how they kidnapped this little cutie, Rigoletto's mistress, the Duke figures out they are one in the same, and hurries off, to be with the cutie. Rigoletto arrives, demands the girl, she comes running in, ostensibly ruined. Next we see Rigoletto and his daughter overhearing the duke seduce an assassins sister, (part of a plan) and the daughter is sent off to put boys clothes on and to travel to Verona, Rigoletto pays the assassin to kill the duke, and says he will be back later when the deed is done with the rest of the money, The assassins sister, pleads with her brother not to kill the duke, because she loves him now, so they agree to kill the first stranger to knock on the door instead.  The daughter who has come back over hears this and knocks on the door, to sacrifice herself to save the duke. The daughter dies, Rigoletto finds out, and is sad, and blames the curse.

Now I think about this in a few ways, one way, is how would this play out if you reverse cast it, with a duchess seducing a son... etc.  and the other way is what is our responsibility as purveyors of culture with pieces of art that no longer reflect the zeitgeist, of a culture? Was the Duke reprehensible when this was first performed? Or is it the portrayal of woman as easily seduced idiots who will do anything if a man says the right words? I didn't get to read a real program to see what the director says about it, so, maybe he talks about it.

a week and a day

its been a week and a day, since Dawn called me and told me Dad was very sick.

A quick revue of finances, and a consult about airfare, and I got a ticket, and came down.

As soon as I got here? Dad started to improve, and its been remarkable, to see how much improvement he makes from one day to the next.
But still I freak out and get control issues... I want to magically solve all of the problems, and disregard everyone's opinions, but instead its becoming a lesson in just being.

I did use the California vacation for a little bit of other visiting, not as much as I had hoped I think, but... I made it to the Gromek party, it was nice. (a drunk guy hit on me, I feel bad, he seemed nice) played Cards Against humanity. funny! I saw Ed Rede coming in, and Paul Skelton on the way back from the party.  I am so blessed, with such people in my life.  I sometimes, just dont see what they see in me. On this trip, I also got to connect with my sisters, well, so far only ShIelley, but Colleen comes in tonight. I'm not certain I have ever talked to Colleen for more than an hour in my life.  So, im a bit nervous about it.  But anyway, I also spent a little time with my aunt Darlene, who said I was easy to love. How sweet is that?

But, I need to get some work done, thats why I pulled out the computer.

So later.