SOOOO Angry

so, I guess I am a terrible daughter, I get that, I haven't mailed my mom's xmas present yet... It made it all the way to the post office, but it is too big and I need to get brown wrapping paper to send it.

I was already behind on the christmas thing, what with doing a crappy christmas show, and having way less time and grandiose schemes that didn't work out... I don't even really like the christmas season and all the fucking pressure. I like to hand make things too.

I feel really terrible about my really good friend Jana who sends me the best things, and I am a terrible friend, not because she minds, she is awesome. But because I WANT to make her something really cool.

But today I got a nasty email... nasty-ish, certainly unthinking email from my mother's husband (step-father implies he had a hand in raising me, he didn't), wondering what happened to my mother's christmas present. And I wrote a very mean letter back... perhaps too mean, where I asked where is my fucking present. I don't even care if I get anything, I don't.

She is bitch, but she doesn't remember so well, so, in the end, there is nothing I can fucking do, it may not have even come from her, sounds a little like him nagging me to be a better daughter. He gave me a sad story about missing his mom when she died. Duh. Of Course everyone is sad when they lose a parent, will I regret my behavior... uh... no... I did my best, we will not have one of the hollywood relationships. The only true option is complete doormat to my mother, and it only encourages her, so... she gets what she gets,

so, why have I been crying for an hour?