Boobie Bump Update

Well, I saw the surgeon about the lump yesterday.

There was poking... it didn't like it.

And we talked about options.

Which are, schedule a lumpectomy, do a needle biopsy, or wait and observe it for 3 months.

The lumpectomy is a bit extreme, it would be the only conclusive way to know if it is not the Big C, but since it is most likely not the Big C, it will probably resolve itself.

Needle Biopsy, unless it comes back cancer, its not a conclusive test, because its possible to miss the lump and come back with healthy cells. So, I would still have to come back in 3 months. An added bonus is the lump is tender, and while they can numb the skin, they can't numb the lump itself, so its likely the procedure would have been painful.

I chose to wait and see. I am to keep an eye on it, er... finger? and if there is any change I am to go back, and if it goes away, well I am off the hook... if its still there in three months, but with no change, I'll really get a needle in the boob.

Yippee

So, with the symptoms and how it feels, its 85% not likely cancer.

Where was I?

so, I spent a lot of money at Costco yesterday.

but in my defense, I did get a gym membership.

good for 2 years... I'll probably even go.

what else.... oh pretty redheaded boy of whom I have a long standing crush... now my facebook friend. Pretty sure it would never work out... but its important to have someone who sets your heart fluttering a little.

Not usually a fan of redheads myself, I like a little dark and mysterious... but he is smart and has his own opinions.

I still might go to the Zoo today, not sure though... still it could happen. And it better happen soon.

Intiman Theatre Presents A THOUSAND CLOWNS

Hello, here is a little video made by my friend Dennis, with everyone he could find who was involved with A Thousand Clowns!

Another long time no hear from Laura update

Well, the show is freakin' finally open!
Hurray!

Lets see, you know about the mammogram, well as expected, I had to see my doctor, (I saw a different physician in her office before) - she felt the lump, and told me to set up a thing with the surgeon for a needle poking... I am sure there is a technical name for it. Now I am sorry I brought it up, you know... cause the surgeon is going to poke it with a needle... and you would think I would be done. But no, there will be tests, we all know its nothing. An after a phone call and email to me, to confirm its nothing, I might have to go back to my doctor before they can Cut It the Fuck Out!
Don't let me get started on my stupid insurance, because every time I see anyone, its more than $100 bucks out of my pocket, plus tests. ARGH!!!
Anyway... that's what is going on with that.

So, A Thousands Clowns is good, a bunch of work for me, but its shaping up, it is a prop heavy show, and our ASM is as green as grass, and the SM rusty and not very agressive. So, that has not been ideal, but its working itself out. I am going to redo some of my paperwork, because I am not sure what it is, but the preset list is not working for me, and it seems to be incomplete. Its sort of a different thing for me, but I worry mostly because once a week Adam has to do my job, after having been coached a little, but only having run it once while I am there and the rest of the time, only relyiing on paper work, and memory. Good Times

So an unprecedented thing is occuring as I write... I get 3 days off in the middle of the season. we are not doing shows while folklife is going on at Seattle Center... usually this happens because there is some folklife performing in our space, but it isnt. so, 3 day weekend. I am going to the zoo today with my friend Ali and her boyfriend. and I have to tie dye baby clothes for Sabine's new daughter Maia Jesse Wecker. And there is sock wars where I am whoafully behind... and I get to mail it to germany.

I do not think this is the Sock Wars where I will be the supreme warrior.

I think I am behind on the Mystery socks too.. and maybe I will work on that.

I have to go now, to get ready for the Zoo.

As I am about to go into tech

so, I am about to go into tech week on Tuesday, so , a few 14+ hour days, then I promise I will update again...
life is fine, I am trying to perk up, but dread of next week is dragging me down, I am sure I will have plenty to do...

ummm I have nothing much to report other than that... I think my old computer died yesterday... I have to fuck around with it, I fear I might have waited a little too long to get the old files off of it.

Maybe its just a virus.

I actually sent my mother flowers for mothers day. Odd for me, she wont think its her kid.

Wishful drinking

I just got back from Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking at the Seattle Rep.

and I am still smiling, hilarious. If it comes anywhere near you, you should see it. Its sort of on a tour I think, so you might be in luck.

Its mostly about being a child of a celebrity and being crazy. A little about Star Wars... mostly about the hair... but mostly funny.

I would rate it R for mature themes, and I say that because teenagers would be embarrassed to be there.

Maybe more later, I have to go to bed, I am fairly resigned to going in at 8am tomorrow, I can set my own schedule during load in but, if I go at 8am I might be able to leave early. I feel bad that I want to work as close to 40 hours as I can this week... since Jeanette is working all kinds of time, but I am not really that helpful set wise, and I figure lets save the theatre a little bit of money by me not going into to much overtime. There will be plenty of overtime next week.

Another Day

Well, today might be my only day off until Monday - so, I have out of the house errands to do... been avoiding many of them but I can't any longer.

I must go to Costco and the Library, and possibly Home Depot. It might not sound like much, but it is at least three hours out of the house... this is when I miss a car. When I could get it all done in an hour and a half.

What I want to do is watch movies all day, but I also need to cook food for the next 4 days. or at least sort out the strawberry situation. And eat the blackberries. mmmmmm

I should really clean up a little around here too, I keep saying that, but then the cats sing a siren call of hang out in the bed, hang out in bed. or make a lap, make a lap.

Boobies

so, I have my first ever mammogram, and I recommend not going while having a little PMS, and an angry lump. They sort of have to squish your boob exactly where it hurts to see if they can see something. My appointment was at 9 this morning and my boob still hurts. A lot.

The lump has been getting more and more painful as I have gotten closer to my period. So, that might be a bit of factor in what it is.

Oh, What is it you say? Well, the tricky thing is, if it is nothing, there is nothing to see, but sometimes you can't really see the scary stuff in all healthy stuff, so, that is not conclusive.

The mammogram and ultrasound didn't show anything. So, we are all pretty happy about that - me... health care team.... you know. But there is still a lump. So, if it is still there after my period is over sometime next week, and still is tender then, I have to see someone else, and the words needle aspiration send a chill down my spine. Mostly because ... have I mentioned my boob hurts... A lot.

I need an aspirin.

mystery socks

I joined a knit-a-long on ravely called mystery socks.

The first clue was released May 1st, although you got it early if you ordered the kits from the organizer.

the above is a picture of both available kits with the completed clue #1.

The second clue was to be out Tomorrow, but it came out early.

better start knitting.

The Third clue is out on Friday.

gained time

so, my class this afternoon was canceled.

but I haven't done much productive with this gained time.

I should wash dishes, but I think the most that will be accomplished is I might make it to the post office with something for Sabine, and the two components I need to return to frys.

The grey cat thought we might stay in bed all day, but she was doomed to disappointment. I would love to stay in bed all day too.

okay.

more later.

My life so far

so, while lying in the bath after work tonight, I thought about the few people who might read this, and thought, they might be more interested in what is going on in my life rather than my opinionated rantings about god and suffering.

Some of it I was reluctant to write about because it might cause alarm.

Well, lets get the alarming stuff out of the way first. About a month ago during a little quiet time with myself, I noticed a lump in my breast. It was a surprise, and in my mind large, well over a centimeter, so, I deliberated a while - called Sabine, my go to girlfriend for all things medical, and she said that if it is tender, its nothing really to worry about. I figured it was probably a cyst and I wouldn't worry about it until after my next period. Hormones effect these things, and I would continue to monitor the situation.

But then I started to feel sick, so, I made an appointment, and went to the doctor. In the end, I had a cold, not even Swine Flu, although honestly the swine flu thing never really occurred to me. But the lump was actually a lump, and now I have a mammogram scheduled for Tuesday.

Now I am 95% confidant that everything is fine, I know that the phrase Non-tender lump is very bad, and mine is tender - my dyslexia is making tender seem like a very odd word right now - but 5% of me, the hypochondriac me, is wondering, is it tender enough... it doesn't like to be poked, but it isnt painful or anything, just ever so slightly annoyed by the poking... I'll be more worried if Tuesday is inconclusive.

So, I am getting over a cold, which is annoying, its all in my nose, which is stuffed up and yucky, plus I am a little tired. Everyone in my last show had it, but of course now is not a good time for it.

Crime and punishment closed this afternoon, and we struck most of the show this evening, I like the new TD more and more, he really didn't interact with the overhire crew but talked to Jeanette, which really was the way to do it, since he is her boss, in a way, she was the crews boss, and it went very smoothly. I am very hopeful that set wise all will go smoothly this week. and in the end the set will work... not that I don't love Wiley, but he doesn't know, and he has bad habits. Enough of that...

This week coming up, is going to be a little bit busy.... tomorrow I have an apprentice class on hanging and focusing lights, for two hours, followed by hanging lights at work for 8 hours, good times... I will get off work at midnight, and I have to be at the doctors office at 830am for a 9am appointment which will take an hour, so I will go to work at 11am and work till 8pm, while the rest will work from 10 to 7, but I can use the last hour to play with the new batteries we are getting for the wireless headsets. I am nominally in charge of the recharging of the batteries for the headsets, and about 4 years ago, they bought some really good batteries, so long ago, that when they started to die, we thought the headsets were going. They still might, but we don't think so. So, since the headsets work fine, if all 6 batteries are good... having 32 new rechargeable batteries and two super kick ass rechargers we should be good... but these rechargers do all sorts of tricks. So I am eager to play with them.

What else... well the sensitive tummy cat, well, we had an episode, which might be one thing (store bought baked chicken) or the other thing (new cat food formula) or both together... but the cat acidopholus seems to have done the trick, but it means she may never get people food again. I know I am not supposed to, but she like white meat chicken and turkey, alot, its adorable. So, I think I might try to find a good treat for her, since she doesn't tolerate wet food well either. I feel so bad for her, because her head and mouth love it all, but not her tummy.

Oh, I am not sure about what the rest of my week is like, except I am going to see Carrie Fisher's show Wishful Drinking on Wednesday night. I might work Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sunday, with almost a real weekend off, but it will depend on what they need. I will have next monday off, then I start technical rehearsals for A Thousand Clowns. Well, since they haven't invented a chip you can insert into your brain to make you learn the show, I guess you have to spend the time to figure it out, and the overtime is nice... but... I will only have the apartment to myself for a little bit more time.

a well.
oh I changed the settings, I am not sure who reads this other than my dad, but I think everyone can leave comments.

sorry I am not more thrilling.

Beliefs

To quote Nick Cave, "I don't believe in an interventionist God"

As a Buddhist, I have read that the debate of the existence of god - is irrelevant, it simply doesn't matter to how you live your life, you need to be accountable now for your actions, not later when you are dead.

But I sometimes have no patience for those who seek meaning in things that are meaningless. Like inexplicable things, random cancer for example. I don't believe god singled those people out for suffering.

In an article today in the newspaper about a filmmaker who lost his left hand to cancer, a Rabbi asks - "How is it that people who are good can be challenged ... with terrible circumstances?" The question makes me think of how religions of the world like to say they offer a recipe, or plan to avoid suffering, the implication is those that follow this plan do not suffer. So individual suffering is your fault for improper devotion and the displeasure of your creator - and by some extension, the implication here is other people suffer less than you.

Buddhism teaches that everyone suffers, and has been called a bitter religion because of it. It says the main root of suffering is desire... wanting things, some of these things we can let go, and will be happier. Wanting to have more money, etc. Things. Somethings that we want, we can't let go of, they're practically biological, love and desire for the well being of children, parents.

But this calls to mind a parable, the story of the mustard seed, a woman's child had died, but she could not accept it, and she went from healer to healer, wiseman to wiseman, to find someone who could help her child, and no one could. Finally her search brought her to the Buddha, who told her he could heal her child with a potion made from a mustard seed, but it had to be a mustard seed from a house that had not know death and loss. The woman went from house to house searching - but could not find a single house that had not know the loss of a loved one. When she came back to the Buddha she was ready to let her child go.

I had a different intent when I started this, I will try again tomorrow