so, I guess I am a terrible daughter, I get that, I haven't mailed my mom's xmas present yet... It made it all the way to the post office, but it is too big and I need to get brown wrapping paper to send it.
I was already behind on the christmas thing, what with doing a crappy christmas show, and having way less time and grandiose schemes that didn't work out... I don't even really like the christmas season and all the fucking pressure. I like to hand make things too.
I feel really terrible about my really good friend Jana who sends me the best things, and I am a terrible friend, not because she minds, she is awesome. But because I WANT to make her something really cool.
But today I got a nasty email... nasty-ish, certainly unthinking email from my mother's husband (step-father implies he had a hand in raising me, he didn't), wondering what happened to my mother's christmas present. And I wrote a very mean letter back... perhaps too mean, where I asked where is my fucking present. I don't even care if I get anything, I don't.
She is bitch, but she doesn't remember so well, so, in the end, there is nothing I can fucking do, it may not have even come from her, sounds a little like him nagging me to be a better daughter. He gave me a sad story about missing his mom when she died. Duh. Of Course everyone is sad when they lose a parent, will I regret my behavior... uh... no... I did my best, we will not have one of the hollywood relationships. The only true option is complete doormat to my mother, and it only encourages her, so... she gets what she gets,
so, why have I been crying for an hour?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
my brain
I need to be more creative... I need to follow through on my creative plans... I need to...
Ideas I have had that I need to make this year!!!
the bear skin rug... from teddy bears... I might also do something with this leopard skin fleece... also a "rug" wall art... not sure
the butterfly mittens... I need to work out the pattern, knit it, make christina knit it and see how that goes... oh... I am working on the grateful dead mittens now, which are a little more free form... and not symetrical, so, less trouble, but ultimately probably less cool...
I want to make a strange alien stuffed animal with my fun fur... although this may not happen, a doodle project I am doing right now is a lap blanket with my meager fun fur supply, and I am not eager to own more fun fur... unless its silk or something natural.
I need to alter my t-shirts, I don't like crew necks and I need to make them not crew necks...
thats all my ideas at the moment... I might tweet new things... or I might watch television.
Ideas I have had that I need to make this year!!!
the bear skin rug... from teddy bears... I might also do something with this leopard skin fleece... also a "rug" wall art... not sure
the butterfly mittens... I need to work out the pattern, knit it, make christina knit it and see how that goes... oh... I am working on the grateful dead mittens now, which are a little more free form... and not symetrical, so, less trouble, but ultimately probably less cool...
I want to make a strange alien stuffed animal with my fun fur... although this may not happen, a doodle project I am doing right now is a lap blanket with my meager fun fur supply, and I am not eager to own more fun fur... unless its silk or something natural.
I need to alter my t-shirts, I don't like crew necks and I need to make them not crew necks...
thats all my ideas at the moment... I might tweet new things... or I might watch television.
Blah blah
you know its all the same day after day.
But, that's the way it is I guess.
I had dinner with Lauren and Stephen last night, yummy indian food... I am going to have to learn how to make lamb saag, yummy, yummy.
oh curry.
anyway.
not much is getting accomplished in my life, and as usual I can't even relax about it, so, I freak out, and I am having a hard time sleeping, then I am tired and unmotivated, and nothing gets done....
oh yeah and my back hurts... but I am planning to get a massage, and I think I will get one this week.
well the cat, the fat one, is doing well on the raw food diet, she likes the kibble better, but she seems to be less intestinally distressed, and that's good.
I know its a big thing, and a hard sell, but I imagine its like being the child and lactose intolerant, but being fed dairy all of the time. oh, and you like dairy and you speak a foreign language so people can't explain and you can't explain.
But, that's the way it is I guess.
I had dinner with Lauren and Stephen last night, yummy indian food... I am going to have to learn how to make lamb saag, yummy, yummy.
oh curry.
anyway.
not much is getting accomplished in my life, and as usual I can't even relax about it, so, I freak out, and I am having a hard time sleeping, then I am tired and unmotivated, and nothing gets done....
oh yeah and my back hurts... but I am planning to get a massage, and I think I will get one this week.
well the cat, the fat one, is doing well on the raw food diet, she likes the kibble better, but she seems to be less intestinally distressed, and that's good.
I know its a big thing, and a hard sell, but I imagine its like being the child and lactose intolerant, but being fed dairy all of the time. oh, and you like dairy and you speak a foreign language so people can't explain and you can't explain.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
blog changes
I took twitter off the side bar for now.
I will add a new twitter feed, and I wont go too crazy with the colors...
its just there are so many options, and I already know what I said, so, I forget readability is important.... I guess... since like 3 people read this.
woot.
I am off to do something, I am sure it will be great.
I will add a new twitter feed, and I wont go too crazy with the colors...
its just there are so many options, and I already know what I said, so, I forget readability is important.... I guess... since like 3 people read this.
woot.
I am off to do something, I am sure it will be great.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Interesting class
so, I took an interesting class today, on AV set up... it was pretty straight forward really.
and I feel more confident. It is different from a home media center mostly in size, and a few more options and steps, but not too frightening. I feel confident I could assist someone in small break out rooms now, which is sort of the point.
Life has still got me down, but oh well... there might be knitting this weekend... which reminds me to call Christina, and Lauren, Christina because I don't think I want to teach her socks tomorrow... maybe Saturday, and Lauren because I owe her birthday lunch. oh and I bought her a book.
I have to change and get some crap done now. oh well.
and I feel more confident. It is different from a home media center mostly in size, and a few more options and steps, but not too frightening. I feel confident I could assist someone in small break out rooms now, which is sort of the point.
Life has still got me down, but oh well... there might be knitting this weekend... which reminds me to call Christina, and Lauren, Christina because I don't think I want to teach her socks tomorrow... maybe Saturday, and Lauren because I owe her birthday lunch. oh and I bought her a book.
I have to change and get some crap done now. oh well.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Dollhouse
Just watched the newest episode of the Dollhouse. Interesting. Is it layers on layers? Or am I just being toyed with? Does Dr. Saunders have any free will? (writing that out makes me wonder a non sequitor, does she live under the name of Saunders? Ah Pooh. )
What is the Caroline/Adele real history?
Bowd? Hmmmm.
Can't decide if I want them to tell me the answers in the end. Or not. Probably yes. Because I think this was written with out the end point truly figured out, but subsequent writing has not kept this in sight, the conceit of the chair has made this unnecessary... Or is it, they can't all be dolls in the end?
To compare this with Lost, there the writers have taken into account the choices made by the actors and used it or explained it. In Dollhouse, every decision made in retrospect seems disjointed and possibly out of character.
What is the Caroline/Adele real history?
Bowd? Hmmmm.
Can't decide if I want them to tell me the answers in the end. Or not. Probably yes. Because I think this was written with out the end point truly figured out, but subsequent writing has not kept this in sight, the conceit of the chair has made this unnecessary... Or is it, they can't all be dolls in the end?
To compare this with Lost, there the writers have taken into account the choices made by the actors and used it or explained it. In Dollhouse, every decision made in retrospect seems disjointed and possibly out of character.
Well -
Its been a week, I haven't gotten anything done... I hope to end that tomorrow... I have some things that must be done, so, that should get me moving a little.
I find it very hard to motivate myself...
I have a had a little crisis of faith ... er... anyway, recently and I have been obsessing on very morbid thoughts, not productive... so, I need to move past that.
I have gotten very far behind on the knitting... its terrible... projects I want to do, projects I have said I would do, and and two babies on the way...
oh well, how many hobbies are too many?
the biggest changes coming in 2010 is I am going to put the cats on a raw food diet and I think I am buying a Wii. My friend Ali was going to buy a Wii this weekend, but her computer is sick, so, she has to fix that first.
why a raw food diet... I am at my wits end, but poor bovine is gassy, and...er... runny, and stinky and cranky... I can tell you cats can get hemorrhoids, and since I don't know where to get little donut seats for cats... I have to fix the food. we already can't have wet food - its about 8 hours of misery - which she doesn't know is caused by it, she just knows wet food is delicious.
So, the websites all say, have a tiny bit available at every meal until they start to try it, then gradually change over, so, I have to offer it to all the cats since, everyone has to eat what bovine eats or bovine thinks someone gets something more special than her food, and it gets ugly. You may be thinking why do this... for a cat... well, it must be done... I know she seems cranky and she is.... but then the thought that she has possibly been colicky for 6 years...
so, thats my week in review.... oh,
I filled out my weekly unemployment claim, and figured out I made a mistake when I filed, but not a deal breaker... I said my last day was the 3rd, because it technically was, and I was having a little day to date association trouble, and really my last actual day of work was the 2nd, a Saturday. In unemployment land Saturday is the end of the work week, and in Intiman the end of the work week is Sunday... so, unemployment thinks I worked on Sunday, but I didn't. well anyway... it will be fine.
I find it very hard to motivate myself...
I have a had a little crisis of faith ... er... anyway, recently and I have been obsessing on very morbid thoughts, not productive... so, I need to move past that.
I have gotten very far behind on the knitting... its terrible... projects I want to do, projects I have said I would do, and and two babies on the way...
oh well, how many hobbies are too many?
the biggest changes coming in 2010 is I am going to put the cats on a raw food diet and I think I am buying a Wii. My friend Ali was going to buy a Wii this weekend, but her computer is sick, so, she has to fix that first.
why a raw food diet... I am at my wits end, but poor bovine is gassy, and...er... runny, and stinky and cranky... I can tell you cats can get hemorrhoids, and since I don't know where to get little donut seats for cats... I have to fix the food. we already can't have wet food - its about 8 hours of misery - which she doesn't know is caused by it, she just knows wet food is delicious.
So, the websites all say, have a tiny bit available at every meal until they start to try it, then gradually change over, so, I have to offer it to all the cats since, everyone has to eat what bovine eats or bovine thinks someone gets something more special than her food, and it gets ugly. You may be thinking why do this... for a cat... well, it must be done... I know she seems cranky and she is.... but then the thought that she has possibly been colicky for 6 years...
so, thats my week in review.... oh,
I filled out my weekly unemployment claim, and figured out I made a mistake when I filed, but not a deal breaker... I said my last day was the 3rd, because it technically was, and I was having a little day to date association trouble, and really my last actual day of work was the 2nd, a Saturday. In unemployment land Saturday is the end of the work week, and in Intiman the end of the work week is Sunday... so, unemployment thinks I worked on Sunday, but I didn't. well anyway... it will be fine.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
hello unemployment.
so, I have finished my last day on contract.
I work again for the intiman on January 29 and 30... then back for real on February 22.
I want to work some where fun during the off season. with fun people.. and not be in charge...
not that I am in charge much but I don't hang out much with other stage hands anymore... I need to fix that. There are stagehands much better than the ones I work with all the time.
cooler stage hands.
I am a broken record.
on the plate tomorrow...
the gym,
get quarters and do a little laundry
clean room
and a little yoga...
and some LOST season 5, in preparation for the Final Season.
now is time for Lost and sweater knitting.
Monday I start on Pat's mitten pattern... I will post pictures and such as we go along...
I work again for the intiman on January 29 and 30... then back for real on February 22.
I want to work some where fun during the off season. with fun people.. and not be in charge...
not that I am in charge much but I don't hang out much with other stage hands anymore... I need to fix that. There are stagehands much better than the ones I work with all the time.
cooler stage hands.
I am a broken record.
on the plate tomorrow...
the gym,
get quarters and do a little laundry
clean room
and a little yoga...
and some LOST season 5, in preparation for the Final Season.
now is time for Lost and sweater knitting.
Monday I start on Pat's mitten pattern... I will post pictures and such as we go along...
Happy New Year
welcome 2010
I should be in bed.. I am about to go, I have to work tomorrow, then some time off...
I have many things to do... and I am sure all the time will be over in just a minute.
its like that.
some one asked why I don't do a rent to own home... its a good question... I might really pursue it.
my own home would be nice... would Pat be an asset or hindrance?
Its hard to live my life not being dragged down, by a depressed roommate who does nothing... who is depressed.... waiting for it to pass is not working.
It is making me sad, I am not allowed to be tired or sad. and sometimes that makes me angry.
Not even here... I feel like I can't write whatever I want, because I... I don't get feedback here... so, I sometimes think no one is reading, but then I find they do, so, I edit myself... so... no more for you tonight little blog.
I should be in bed.. I am about to go, I have to work tomorrow, then some time off...
I have many things to do... and I am sure all the time will be over in just a minute.
its like that.
some one asked why I don't do a rent to own home... its a good question... I might really pursue it.
my own home would be nice... would Pat be an asset or hindrance?
Its hard to live my life not being dragged down, by a depressed roommate who does nothing... who is depressed.... waiting for it to pass is not working.
It is making me sad, I am not allowed to be tired or sad. and sometimes that makes me angry.
Not even here... I feel like I can't write whatever I want, because I... I don't get feedback here... so, I sometimes think no one is reading, but then I find they do, so, I edit myself... so... no more for you tonight little blog.
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