Friday, April 23, 2010
one other thing
The doctor and I have moved cigarette smoking from current condition to history of... so... thats good news, its been about 10 months since I quit, and mostly I marvel on how much I do not have the desire to smoke, under the circumstances.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Drugs
So, I had a pre-op visit with my GP, they were having computer problems, so, i hope all the questions that were supposed to be asked were asked, I don't have a cold, which I did when consulting for the surgery before... which would have made me wait... I also got to avoid a tetanus diptheria pertussis shot... since at least I remembered I had one in '06.
Now its not their fault that don't have the best memory of me, I don't like the doctor, and I don't like sickness, and I don't like stigmatization (wow, spell check does not think I made that word up).
which in light of the current ... er ... cancery thing.... might be unfortunate.
Anyway, I got a prescription for essentially xanax, and I had one this afternoon, it basically put me to sleep.... which was nice.... but it may have made me angry after... I will have to see if its a pattern.... they only gave me 20, which on one hand shows a lack of trust I think, and on the other doesn't matter, since I can not take those and go to work... I might try a half tab on another day off and see what happens, or see if a half tab is enough to go to sleep with... I will almost certainly not be taking two. Which brings us to the other prescription that I can't seem to get changed. At the time of the surgery scheduling, they prescribed vicoden and ibuprofen... of course the vicoden was under its generic name, so I didn't notice or I might have tried to change it then. But later on, I realised it was vicoden, and tried to get it changed... every time the gloomy nurse navigator would ask if I had filled the prescriptions yet. I would talk about it. so far, she seems to be on board, although I am not really sure if she made any effort to change it. But today, I thought I would talk to my GP, she was skeptical, because percoset is stronger, if they would give it to me, and maybe I didn't notice the vicoden working because I was used to the stronger stuff after my Knee surgery. But What I needed to stress was, after the good drugs were gone, and I started the vicoden after my knee surgery, I was only really taking something at night, so I could sleep, the knee hurt enough to make me unable to sleep, the vicoden made me completely not drowsy and still in pain. So, for two nights, I lay there in my bed, awake crying... I didn't have tv in my room back then either. after a few days, I tried some tylenol pm... which is benedryl and tylenol... and this worked 100 times better.
I am very angry about this mostly because feel like no one understands what I am saying.
anyway...
maybe that rant is out of my system.
Now its not their fault that don't have the best memory of me, I don't like the doctor, and I don't like sickness, and I don't like stigmatization (wow, spell check does not think I made that word up).
which in light of the current ... er ... cancery thing.... might be unfortunate.
Anyway, I got a prescription for essentially xanax, and I had one this afternoon, it basically put me to sleep.... which was nice.... but it may have made me angry after... I will have to see if its a pattern.... they only gave me 20, which on one hand shows a lack of trust I think, and on the other doesn't matter, since I can not take those and go to work... I might try a half tab on another day off and see what happens, or see if a half tab is enough to go to sleep with... I will almost certainly not be taking two. Which brings us to the other prescription that I can't seem to get changed. At the time of the surgery scheduling, they prescribed vicoden and ibuprofen... of course the vicoden was under its generic name, so I didn't notice or I might have tried to change it then. But later on, I realised it was vicoden, and tried to get it changed... every time the gloomy nurse navigator would ask if I had filled the prescriptions yet. I would talk about it. so far, she seems to be on board, although I am not really sure if she made any effort to change it. But today, I thought I would talk to my GP, she was skeptical, because percoset is stronger, if they would give it to me, and maybe I didn't notice the vicoden working because I was used to the stronger stuff after my Knee surgery. But What I needed to stress was, after the good drugs were gone, and I started the vicoden after my knee surgery, I was only really taking something at night, so I could sleep, the knee hurt enough to make me unable to sleep, the vicoden made me completely not drowsy and still in pain. So, for two nights, I lay there in my bed, awake crying... I didn't have tv in my room back then either. after a few days, I tried some tylenol pm... which is benedryl and tylenol... and this worked 100 times better.
I am very angry about this mostly because feel like no one understands what I am saying.
anyway...
maybe that rant is out of my system.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
oh something else
I got a surprise package from a yarn ummmm Charity, called a yarn storming box of sunshine, and my sister Shelley sent me the entire set of the Stephanie Plum mysteries... I don't think I will be able to read them all, since I am declaring an open house during the recovery time. Let my friends entertain me.
Less than 3 weeks
Well, I have less than 3 weeks til the surgery.
Today in an effort to cross one more thing off my list... I ordered some bras and some shirts. I have been reading the literature they gave me, and what they have said, and made some of my own decisions. So, someone said to get some button down shirts for after surgery, but nothing about bras. I don't imagine I will want to wear a bra the day after, but I'm like a triple D, I think I will want to wear one by the second day, I imagine there will be plenty of room on the boob free side for padding and bandages, and the like. So, I ordered some front closure bras, my assumption being the shoulder will still hurt and my range of motion will be limited. I also got a some hook front t-shirts, and a camisole. I got them from Dharma trading company, I expect they are meant to be sexy, but maybe thats a plus.
I still plan to hit the thrift store to get a few cool men's buttondowns. Something that says boyfriend shirt, or stuck in the early 90s in Seattle.
hmmm retro grunge.
Other than that.... I was hit on by a crazy creepy guy, still working, we have a prototype boobie purse, thinking about a wine skin boobie, and I have almost finished 2 knitted boobies. oh, and I have been writing to Kimmy and Shelley on Facebook.
I really mean to post pictures.
Today in an effort to cross one more thing off my list... I ordered some bras and some shirts. I have been reading the literature they gave me, and what they have said, and made some of my own decisions. So, someone said to get some button down shirts for after surgery, but nothing about bras. I don't imagine I will want to wear a bra the day after, but I'm like a triple D, I think I will want to wear one by the second day, I imagine there will be plenty of room on the boob free side for padding and bandages, and the like. So, I ordered some front closure bras, my assumption being the shoulder will still hurt and my range of motion will be limited. I also got a some hook front t-shirts, and a camisole. I got them from Dharma trading company, I expect they are meant to be sexy, but maybe thats a plus.
I still plan to hit the thrift store to get a few cool men's buttondowns. Something that says boyfriend shirt, or stuck in the early 90s in Seattle.
hmmm retro grunge.
Other than that.... I was hit on by a crazy creepy guy, still working, we have a prototype boobie purse, thinking about a wine skin boobie, and I have almost finished 2 knitted boobies. oh, and I have been writing to Kimmy and Shelley on Facebook.
I really mean to post pictures.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Not all doom and gloom
So, I was going to post last night, but I was lazy, so,I will do a little one here at work.
So, I have had some very nice presents on account of being cancery, which... the gifts themselves are very nice and cool... I got the entire Stephanie Plum series from my sister Shelley, and anonymous yarn from a yarn storming, and I think more yarn might be on the way from my neice. Awesome.
I have bought some quilted material to make boobie purses, and we almost have one knitted boobie, in peach silk merino yarn. also two bamboo rainbow ones.. two different patterns. oh, and one sewn up in pirate fleece. so, we have made a good start there.
Otherwise, I still have to deal with people who think I should be prepared to mope around... and feel worse than I expect.. the internet, possesser of all knowledge is conflicted on how I will really feel. there is the full spectrum, but I am a fairly active person, even though I am fat. so... I am going to keep being optimistic for bouncing right back. The hardest I think is my nurse navigator, she is a bit of a gloomy gus, and I feel like I can't dissuade her... that it isn't my place to tell her to stop being gloomy. But I am going to have to.
the worst news by far this week is, my cat Bovine is sick again. My roommate is taking her to the vet today, it seems to be similar to what she had before a year and a half ago. I told him to ask for a shot of antibiotic if we can instead of daily cat wrestling. But... you do what you have to, right.
The show must go on.
So, I have had some very nice presents on account of being cancery, which... the gifts themselves are very nice and cool... I got the entire Stephanie Plum series from my sister Shelley, and anonymous yarn from a yarn storming, and I think more yarn might be on the way from my neice. Awesome.
I have bought some quilted material to make boobie purses, and we almost have one knitted boobie, in peach silk merino yarn. also two bamboo rainbow ones.. two different patterns. oh, and one sewn up in pirate fleece. so, we have made a good start there.
Otherwise, I still have to deal with people who think I should be prepared to mope around... and feel worse than I expect.. the internet, possesser of all knowledge is conflicted on how I will really feel. there is the full spectrum, but I am a fairly active person, even though I am fat. so... I am going to keep being optimistic for bouncing right back. The hardest I think is my nurse navigator, she is a bit of a gloomy gus, and I feel like I can't dissuade her... that it isn't my place to tell her to stop being gloomy. But I am going to have to.
the worst news by far this week is, my cat Bovine is sick again. My roommate is taking her to the vet today, it seems to be similar to what she had before a year and a half ago. I told him to ask for a shot of antibiotic if we can instead of daily cat wrestling. But... you do what you have to, right.
The show must go on.
Friday, April 2, 2010
More trixie
Ask Stephanie at work first if she would take trixie. She might not want to, because she lost a cat to old age, recently, and in may, trixie will be ten.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
the little box of the day!
is boobies.
I have been thinking a lot about boobies, its a mystery why really.
But anyway so aside from the grief which is a given, I have been thinking about the practicality of losing a boob. Like, I sleep on my side, if I sleep on my right side will I be so unbalanced I end up sleeping on my face? and, can the cat fit on only one boob when I watch television? there is one plus... for the cat... if I lay on my left side, the cat can use the remaining boob as a pillow...
the main bone of contention for me, is I just found a place online, that sells pretty bras in my large size, and I bought a bunch, so, I do not want them to be useless after the surgery... It is possible the universe wants me to wear ugly bras, but that is too bad.
so... while they make silicone boobies, I have read they are uncomfortable, and expensive. so, I had been thinking about it, and then Jana found the pattern for me, but I am going to knit myself a booby. I had read about them before, and I had been thinking a little bit about it, but I had to get there, in my own way.
but I think, this is a real good use of my rainbow bamboo yarn. silky and light, for summer time. I might also sew a few, and I might add pockets. maybe a boob purse.
eventually I will post pictures.
I have been thinking a lot about boobies, its a mystery why really.
But anyway so aside from the grief which is a given, I have been thinking about the practicality of losing a boob. Like, I sleep on my side, if I sleep on my right side will I be so unbalanced I end up sleeping on my face? and, can the cat fit on only one boob when I watch television? there is one plus... for the cat... if I lay on my left side, the cat can use the remaining boob as a pillow...
the main bone of contention for me, is I just found a place online, that sells pretty bras in my large size, and I bought a bunch, so, I do not want them to be useless after the surgery... It is possible the universe wants me to wear ugly bras, but that is too bad.
so... while they make silicone boobies, I have read they are uncomfortable, and expensive. so, I had been thinking about it, and then Jana found the pattern for me, but I am going to knit myself a booby. I had read about them before, and I had been thinking a little bit about it, but I had to get there, in my own way.
but I think, this is a real good use of my rainbow bamboo yarn. silky and light, for summer time. I might also sew a few, and I might add pockets. maybe a boob purse.
eventually I will post pictures.
Compartments or little boxes
I find myself trying to deal with tiny parts of this whole... Situation... At a time.
It helps I think, since I mostly get upset and feel out of control when I get overwhelmed. Right this minute I am thinking about bras and fake boobies, before the weekend it was scheduling, and figuring out work. About two weeks ago it was about what I want if this all goes terribly wrong, and I become the wrong sort of statistic. I thought I was being very morbid, but talking to my nurse navigator, turns out it's very normal, it's about being in control, because so much is out of my control.
It turns out I only have three serious desires should my current next of kin (how can you pluralize that?) outlive me. One; there should be some sort of recycling of my body, organ donation, whole body donation, or green funeral ... Whatever, just not a sealed container never to truly go back to the earth.
Two; I would like Tibetan monks to pray for me for 49 days. Buddhists believe in reincarnation, and Tibetan buddhists believe it takes 49 days for the soul to journey to it's next life, this journey is perilous and confusing to the soul, and they have special prayers for guidance. I have not been the most practiced Buddhist and help would be appreciated. I am not even terribly certain I personally believe in reincarnation but with the Christian prayers I am sure would be said I like to cover the bases.
Third; and maybe most important, my cat Trixie, will need a new home, where she can be the only cat, trixie and alice can go together, but I might be trixie's only alli in this house. She gets along with Alice ok, but a nice understanding single cat house, with a patient human. I recommend Phoebe at work, or Chuck from the opera house.
All the rest, doesn't matter enough to get worried about. There I have said it, and I can go about my business of getting this crap taken care of, and worrying about bras and button down shirts.
It helps I think, since I mostly get upset and feel out of control when I get overwhelmed. Right this minute I am thinking about bras and fake boobies, before the weekend it was scheduling, and figuring out work. About two weeks ago it was about what I want if this all goes terribly wrong, and I become the wrong sort of statistic. I thought I was being very morbid, but talking to my nurse navigator, turns out it's very normal, it's about being in control, because so much is out of my control.
It turns out I only have three serious desires should my current next of kin (how can you pluralize that?) outlive me. One; there should be some sort of recycling of my body, organ donation, whole body donation, or green funeral ... Whatever, just not a sealed container never to truly go back to the earth.
Two; I would like Tibetan monks to pray for me for 49 days. Buddhists believe in reincarnation, and Tibetan buddhists believe it takes 49 days for the soul to journey to it's next life, this journey is perilous and confusing to the soul, and they have special prayers for guidance. I have not been the most practiced Buddhist and help would be appreciated. I am not even terribly certain I personally believe in reincarnation but with the Christian prayers I am sure would be said I like to cover the bases.
Third; and maybe most important, my cat Trixie, will need a new home, where she can be the only cat, trixie and alice can go together, but I might be trixie's only alli in this house. She gets along with Alice ok, but a nice understanding single cat house, with a patient human. I recommend Phoebe at work, or Chuck from the opera house.
All the rest, doesn't matter enough to get worried about. There I have said it, and I can go about my business of getting this crap taken care of, and worrying about bras and button down shirts.
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