an update?

So, you can skip this if you want it, might be old news, I am just going to review.

so, while I am in denial, it appears I have breast cancer in my right breast. It's 5.3cm at its largest, so, we are taking the whole boob. Thinking about that too much makes me sick to my stomach. A complete mastectomy has a better chance of getting everything, and can later be reconstructed into an all new boob.

The MRI indicates that it is not in my lymph nodes, but at the time of surgery they will do a sentinal node biopsy, where they will inject me with a radioactive isotope, to find the lymph nodes that are drained into by the breast first, and they will take a few of those to test... this is the most likely to save the most lymph nodes, and decreasing my chances for lymphedema, where there is swelling in the arm because the lymph nodes are gone. My surgeon will feel the lymph nodes to search for lumps, and will send them into be tested... I think if she feels hard things in the ones they want to take, they will take more... if she doesn't feel any lumps, but later on they find there are some, then I will have to have a second surgery, and chemotherapy. But I plan to be hopeful.

Because of the size of the tumor, and because it has some little break off bits, I will have radiation... this is to make sure there is nothing floating around there trying to start trouble... I didn't want radiation because it is bad for your heart, and while I recently quit smoking, there is no guarrentee my heart is up to snuff, but because my tumor is on the outside of my breast, the radiation will likely not enter the ribcage, and I am much more likely to not have heart trouble from this.
Contrary to some misinformation, radiation does not make your hair fall out, its like having a long exposure xray, and I will get some tattoo dots out of it.

the intial recovery period is 7 to 10 days, the surgery is scheduled for May 6th, its a thursday, during the week between two shows at my theatre, there would normally be work for me, but its the week I am less likely to be missed. I had hoped the surgery would be earlier during that week, but, oh well. It seem likely that I will miss part of the tech week, for the next show, but I hope, not too much... in my mind, what I want to have happen is they get someone to do part of my job, while I sit on a spot light, I know I wont be one hundred percent, but just 50% is enough for that, the last thing I want to do is mope. I tend to be mopey if left on my own, and I am giving that crap up. If denial gets me through it, then it gets me through it.

so, lined up for doctory things before the surgery, tomorrow, I give some blood, for genetic testing... family response, makes me think if I am a mutant, I am a spontaneous mutant. Knowing whether I have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, makes some decisions easier, but not all of them, my options would include, have the other boob off, and getting my ovaries removed. since there is a link if it is genetic. But just in case you are thinking having a negative test is a free pass, its not, genes are long and complicated, and they have only mapped a few of the cancer causing mutations, there are other known mutations they are unsure about, plus because the genes are so long, they only look where its been know to happen before.

I'll try to link the video I had to watch, it was interesting. Because the genetic research is still just at the begining, I have been thinking of biospecimen donation... and I have to ask about that.

oh, I have a nurse navigator appointment, next monday, where we talk about how everything is going, and things, its both hard and good to have these conversations. I can ask her about the donation.

I also have a regular check up, on April 22, prior to surgery, with my regular doctor. plus a pap smear on the 30th. I figure, get that out of the way...

I have a post op appointment on the 20th of May, but if there is bad news from my lymph nodes, I imaging I will know 3 or 4 days after the surgery.

Emotionally... well this is devastating, and I am wet myself terrified. But, I have developed a bubble of denial, and try very hard to live in the moment, not in the fear, because you can't cry all of the time, it makes it hard to work... it makes your eyesight blurry.

I have had moments, though, a few days ago, having a text conversation with my friend Sabine, I misunderstood her for a moment that she wasn't coming up, I burst into to tears, and it took about 10 minutes to get it together. I say this not to make people feel bad for me, but to underline that I am not so stoic, and in control, that I am not deeply deeply grateful for everyone's support, and thoughts.