What's my cancer doing 1 month or so past mastecomy.

Oh, last time I updated, it was all about clear margins, clean nodes. A positive outcome and a possible signal to the end of treatment. Just a little radiation, and we are good to go.

Well.

It's still good!

But, now that we are past the surgery, there are some addition things to think about, the tumor while non agressive, and typically non matastising, it was large, 7cm x 5cm x 3cm, now my arguement is my boob was pretty big, so proportionally, that's not terrible, right. Well, it is good....
But they want me to get chemo, and radiation, they will want the tamoxifen too, but I don't think so at this point.
So, here is their reasoning, chemo plus radiation is recommended if, there is lymph node involvement (no), or not clear margins (mine where clear) or it's estrogen progesterin negative (mine are positve) or the tumor size is over 5cm.

One out of four. Crap!

So, pre surgery, we did some blood tests, to test for certain protein markers associated with my type of cancer, the CEA and the CA 15, I might have posted my numbers, anyway, I'll recap if I have.
My preop CEA was 31.5 or so, normal is between 0.0 to 5.0, my post op value is 6.5, still above normal, but greatly reduced, it might possibly continue to fall, or might normally be a bit high, it's still suspect, the CA-15, was high preop and is now in the middle of the normal range.
I did a bone scan yesterday morning, and everything is good there. Today I did a barium and contrast ct.

But even if everything is good - they are going to recommend chemo, because of it's size. I tried to get out it, but the truth seems to be- there isn't information of what happens if I don't do it, based on my tumor type, only that my "odds" "chances" "the statistics" are good if I do the chemo and radiation.

On one hand I feel railroaded - a commodity in the cancer factory, on another hand I just want it to be over, just do the fucking treatment, and I should be able to go about my business without a care in the world. At least about cancer.

So, that's the update.

Now, I guess I get to think of fun hat ideas.

Been a while!

I am doing very well, the drain is out, the healing has begun, the strength is back, I have a few flexibility issues because of the scar tissue.

I scheduled mopey-ness in for this last weekend, and I feel better for it, a little bit of wallowing... but its good.

All sorts of fun sensation is returning to the breast area, I say that a bit sarcastically, since all day yesterday I thought there was a hair poking and tickling me, but no... just one regrown nerve. But I am more annoyed by my armpit scar... deeply deeply thankful they did not have to remove all of my lymph nodes... I would have been more annoyed then, but its stretchy sore, and a bit lumpy and I am timid about shaving there, and afraid to get it waxed. We will have to wait and see how that turns out.

Friday is my oncology consultation, I am hoping against hope that they say no radiatin for you... but its the standard of care, so, I am out of luck there... Not sure why I am set against it, except its bad for your heart... I know it is better than it used to be, and its not even going to be internal at all, but, still...

To be honest, a bit of my reluctance is I am afraid of fitting it in to my work schedule, and a bit of whether it will make me so tired I will need some help to do my job, the ridiculous part is, mostly I am afraid I will look weak... to myself.

But anyway.... work is going well, its the most boring show backstage ever, and the next show is going to be a crazy crazy train wreck... Mostly because we have no boss... they hired one, he starts August 25th... and now they are dilly dallying about getting an interim, while we break the ill equipt assistant production manager, who is beginning to look tramatized. It doesn't help that he was trained by the promise the moon, deliver nothing previous production manager. In the play coming up, which is a remount of sorts, (we have the same designers as New York and Chicago, and some of the same props and costumes) we have to make the bits that didn't get sent to us, and build the set (our stage architechture is very different). So, what we got to work with set wise were some poorly made draftings of the original set "photoshopped" into our stage, with no specifics, so our Technical Director - made his own adjustments for better or for worse. Our Prop Master (my half step to the side boss) only got boxes of props from the Chicago run, some bottles still filled with water, and pictures of the props from Chicago. Right before the holiday weekend, he found out that the designer was unhappy with what Chicago had changed in the props, and wanted everything to look like they had in New York... oh... but we have no drawings or pictures of what those looked like... good times.

Oh... and another thing. I am doing the breast cancer 5k on Sunday... I have 15 people on my team... which I think is Awesome!!!

1. Before doing anything, adjust the iTunes settings so the CD doesn't start importing straight away. This is done by going into the “Preferences” menu and selecting “Ask to import CD” about a third of the way down the page.
2. Insert the audiobook CD.
3. Access the track names via the Gracenote database by connecting to the internet.
4. Select all the tracks, then click on the “Advanced” menu. Select “Join CD tracks”. A long vertical line will appear down the side of the tracks connecting them all together.
5. Click on “Import CD”. Once all the tracks have been imported, the CD will appear in the music library as a single track.
6. Select the track in the music library and press Ctrl+I (or Apple+I on a Mac). Go into "Info" and make any necessary changes to the track name and details. Make sure the genre is “Books & Spoken”.
7. Switch to “Options” and tick “Remember playback position” and “Skip when shuffling”. Not only will this allow the user to always come back to an audiobook exactly where they left off, it will ensure it never becomes an unwelcome guest in the middle of a party shuffle.
8. Finally, change “Media Kind” from “Music” to “Audiobook”. This will ensure the imported CD ends up in the category where it belongs, rather than cluttering up the music library.
9. Click on "Audiobooks" in the library menu on the left hand side of the screen. The import should be there, ready to play.


Read more at Suite101: Uploading Audiobooks to Apple iTunes: Importing Spoken Word CDs for the Apple iPod http://digital-audio.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_upload_audiobooks_to_itunes#ixzz0oGGfCwYb

Race for the cure

So, I have made a team for the June 6th Race for the Cure,
if anyone would like to join or donate
Bunny's Boobie Team

just for fun, if it works

faster updates

so, I put twitter back on the blog - to the right of the screen, above the music.
I expect that after this post, the only new updates will be with twitter for the next few days... although you never know what I might be up to.

so, I was rereading some stuff about what is to come last night, in the bathtub... nothing horrific, but what I did notice is there was a lot of in a few days, or as I feel up to it, resume normal activity, don't obviously go crazy or anything, so, I might just smack that nurse navigator... for making me feel like everything was going to be impossible. I just have to not be an idiot.

I am very very nervous though. Nothing to do but grit my fucking teeth and fucking do it.... but that might be why I have a little TMJ?

Just two days to go

So, I haven't updated recently as I was living in hope that I would get it together to post some pictures. But, this looks unlikely.
I also hope to link Twitter and the blog, so you can read up to the minute reports. And I think that will happen.

I feel sort of bad, getting all sorts of stuff, because I have cancer.

I have gotten tons of yarn, books, offers of help and cake.

But to balance that out, I have the fun of cleaning the apartment really well, and setting up a new futon couch.

Unfortunately it appears I bought the wrong one, and it's not the super cool chaise that I wanted. I'm still processing what I want to do. I have to look on the website. To find out what my options are. But I am putting it together.

I have a fair amount of anxiety, but as always I process everything differently.
I seem to have a fair bit of heartburn, which is relieved by Xanax. And I am disproportionatedly angry, something that would normally make me annoyed makes me really angry or even enraged.

This leads me too, yesterday the nurse navigator called, first I had to tell her I would not accept the vicodin, and that was why I have not had it filled, that in fact I had my GP remove it. She then asked if work gave me any trouble about having the 4 weeks off. What the Fuck! I was stunned, never was that talked about, I felt swayed before with the 10 days instead of 7, but she is off her rocker. I told her "it's all worked out with work" then she expressed surprise I was not getting fired because I had breast cancer. I think I responded I have a union. In my meeting with the big bosses, the only thing like that, that was discussed was, if things are not ideal, and I needed to take more time, they would help me navigate temporary disability. Since I think I get 140 hours of sick time. Maybe less with the season being shorter.

Anyway. Moving. On.

Sabine is supposed to come tonight, but she is puking right now, so currently the plan is a go, but she might come tomorrow instead. A little worrisome.

I have to go buy cat litter. More later.