Monday, March 4, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Sad news
This post might be more... process-y than normal.
You see, my mom died.
Last Wednesday.
Her husband was too over come to contact me right away, I get that, and there is nothing I could have done anyway.
He says he has made arraignments for her cremation, as per her wishes.
In his email, he then went on to compare this tragedy to other horrific losses of his past, which makes it seem like grief should be a competition. And I won't play.
From seeing my mom around other people, and moments growing up, I know her to have been an intelligent, funny, interesting person, cooler at times than other moms. But I wasn't what she wanted. I'm not anything subversive, or alternative, just a girl. But we were a disappointment to each other I guess. It seems simplistic to say we didn't get along because she was mean. It seems petulant, and childish. At least to say it. Because... as the kids say today, it's complicated.
In my dealings with Al, the husband, he has always been churlish, and a bit mean, and I think he has a slightly bloated idea of the amount of respect is owned to him by me. But if you deal with him cautiously, and with a level of empathy, and you don't expect any of that back, it works out.
Enough of that, I did have a moment in the last week, or possibly last month, and I recall it as this last week, where I wondered to myself if my mom would visit me when she died, like she always said her grandmother did, I do know my mother believed that she would be able to watch over the people she loved. So, that's comforting, and possibly spooky, if I want to think of it that way.
On a purely greedy note, not really, I wonder what will happen to her precious family heirlooms, her cedar chest filled with report cards and christening gowns? I want to ask, but I know I can't, and I mostly want to ask because I know I'm not "getting" anything. I've always known I won't get anything, especially if she went first. I'm not sure I want anything anyway. I certainly don't have a place for anything. Besides Al is a little heartbroken for me to be having any sort of conversation about this, for... well, a very long time, if ever.
One last thing, I sort of want to make my uncle be a better person and send Al a sympathy card. But I won't bother.
You see, my mom died.
Last Wednesday.
Her husband was too over come to contact me right away, I get that, and there is nothing I could have done anyway.
He says he has made arraignments for her cremation, as per her wishes.
In his email, he then went on to compare this tragedy to other horrific losses of his past, which makes it seem like grief should be a competition. And I won't play.
From seeing my mom around other people, and moments growing up, I know her to have been an intelligent, funny, interesting person, cooler at times than other moms. But I wasn't what she wanted. I'm not anything subversive, or alternative, just a girl. But we were a disappointment to each other I guess. It seems simplistic to say we didn't get along because she was mean. It seems petulant, and childish. At least to say it. Because... as the kids say today, it's complicated.
In my dealings with Al, the husband, he has always been churlish, and a bit mean, and I think he has a slightly bloated idea of the amount of respect is owned to him by me. But if you deal with him cautiously, and with a level of empathy, and you don't expect any of that back, it works out.
Enough of that, I did have a moment in the last week, or possibly last month, and I recall it as this last week, where I wondered to myself if my mom would visit me when she died, like she always said her grandmother did, I do know my mother believed that she would be able to watch over the people she loved. So, that's comforting, and possibly spooky, if I want to think of it that way.
On a purely greedy note, not really, I wonder what will happen to her precious family heirlooms, her cedar chest filled with report cards and christening gowns? I want to ask, but I know I can't, and I mostly want to ask because I know I'm not "getting" anything. I've always known I won't get anything, especially if she went first. I'm not sure I want anything anyway. I certainly don't have a place for anything. Besides Al is a little heartbroken for me to be having any sort of conversation about this, for... well, a very long time, if ever.
One last thing, I sort of want to make my uncle be a better person and send Al a sympathy card. But I won't bother.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Almost a week
Wow, I almost stopped posting again, but I remembered!
It's been a busy week in Bunnytown, on Monday I hung out with my friend Tori, but I forgot to give her the cape I made for her son. Boo, and we went to a new bar in my neighborhood, which was entirely too expensive for the bad drinks they were serving, so, then we walked across the street to paseos, and had fancy Mexican food, and margaritas, and it was better. I was then hung over the next day. So sad.
Tuesday, I went to Costco, and a quilt store in the morning with Cole, and in the evening I watched my very first live google hangout, for a book group I follow on the interwebs. It was interesting, I am fascinated with all the cool new media that keeps cropping up, and I want to do something fun and cool with it, but I have no ideas. Boo.
Wednesday, I bussed down to Tacoma to look at Christina's fabric scraps, I meant to also schedule a massage for a spa I have a gift certificate for, but... I didn't. Then I was going to catch a bus downtown by the spa so I could schedule one, but we went to goodwill by the pound, and meet up with Cole there, and I bought too much stuff. So, then I figured I would take the offered ride with all my crap, but because Cole came later, and I hadn't eaten a big lunch the next thing I know it's 430, before we head back, and I have a headache, and I'm cranky. So... That was good, and a bit annoying.
Thursday, I met up with Christina and Erika at the yarn shop for a little in store knitting, so much easier to organize, if its at someone else's shop, and if no one shows up, I'm just knitting with Betty. I worked on my clapotis.
Friday I met up with Lauren, and we knitted in Ballard, after she bought some knitting needles at the Joann's craft store. I did not buy anything. Which is sort if amazing. And Friday evening I went to the book launch of mongoliad 3, it was at the sci fi museum half of EMP, and it was a little interesting, a bunch of authors I have heard about were there, (ok two) but, I hadn't heard of the book, or project before, and then when I looked it up, it didn't seem very interesting, and a little bit more of let's have a giant book where nothing happens, three times, but there was free popcorn, and something to listen too while I knit. There is always free beer and wine at these things, but... I have cut myself off a bit... That margarita was strong.
I also learned a new word... which describes my apartment at the moment... Craftermath, which is the aftermath of crafting. It's scary in here!
It's been a busy week in Bunnytown, on Monday I hung out with my friend Tori, but I forgot to give her the cape I made for her son. Boo, and we went to a new bar in my neighborhood, which was entirely too expensive for the bad drinks they were serving, so, then we walked across the street to paseos, and had fancy Mexican food, and margaritas, and it was better. I was then hung over the next day. So sad.
Tuesday, I went to Costco, and a quilt store in the morning with Cole, and in the evening I watched my very first live google hangout, for a book group I follow on the interwebs. It was interesting, I am fascinated with all the cool new media that keeps cropping up, and I want to do something fun and cool with it, but I have no ideas. Boo.
Wednesday, I bussed down to Tacoma to look at Christina's fabric scraps, I meant to also schedule a massage for a spa I have a gift certificate for, but... I didn't. Then I was going to catch a bus downtown by the spa so I could schedule one, but we went to goodwill by the pound, and meet up with Cole there, and I bought too much stuff. So, then I figured I would take the offered ride with all my crap, but because Cole came later, and I hadn't eaten a big lunch the next thing I know it's 430, before we head back, and I have a headache, and I'm cranky. So... That was good, and a bit annoying.
Thursday, I met up with Christina and Erika at the yarn shop for a little in store knitting, so much easier to organize, if its at someone else's shop, and if no one shows up, I'm just knitting with Betty. I worked on my clapotis.
Friday I met up with Lauren, and we knitted in Ballard, after she bought some knitting needles at the Joann's craft store. I did not buy anything. Which is sort if amazing. And Friday evening I went to the book launch of mongoliad 3, it was at the sci fi museum half of EMP, and it was a little interesting, a bunch of authors I have heard about were there, (ok two) but, I hadn't heard of the book, or project before, and then when I looked it up, it didn't seem very interesting, and a little bit more of let's have a giant book where nothing happens, three times, but there was free popcorn, and something to listen too while I knit. There is always free beer and wine at these things, but... I have cut myself off a bit... That margarita was strong.
I also learned a new word... which describes my apartment at the moment... Craftermath, which is the aftermath of crafting. It's scary in here!
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