not quite a year.

Sorry I haven't updated this blog in nearly a year, its been, well A Year.
The past few years have been eventful, to recap, in 2012, my mom was diagnosed with dementia, and in February 2013 she passed away, I wasn't very close to my mother, and while I loved her, much of my sadness involved regret, regret that it wasn't different, regret that I didn't have the relationship the media tries to sell you as the ideal.

In December of 2013, my father was found unconscious in his home, and diagnosed with acute pneumonia, he was unresponsive for over a week and in ICU for 3 weeks, then spent some time at a convalescent home.  One of his doctors, kept running tests on him and they discovered the underlying cause for his pneumonia, which was Multiple Myloma, a blood cancer. Years of living with untreated multiple myloma causes pneumonia, and kidney failure. He seemed to have recovered a little, but it was long and arduous, but ultimately he passed away September 14th, 2014.

I didn't feel I could really talk about how I felt at that time, on this blog, because 5 people read this, and one of readers was my dad.

If you are sad because someone is going through a terrible time, it still isn't that cool to whine about it where they can read it.

That said, he was a fair to middling father, awesome when compared to my mom, but I sort of raised myself.  As I get older, I can forgive many faults, parents are just people, but I see more too.  He liked strong women and was weak around them, which sort of explains my mom, and my step mom.  More on her later. Regardless, though he was a flawed person, he was my dad, and I loved him.

I know I am not really an orphan, I'm a grown up, and I have sisters, but its strange to not have the imaginary safety net.

Anyway, while he was sick, I didn't want to talk about it, and after I just really couldn't, because he wasn't reading it anymore.

I want to keep online journaling random things, maybe with an actual purpose, but I don't know what that is, as usual, I have more ideas then sense, and still addicted to procrastination.

Also, I have my own health issues I am dealing with, but I can't decide how public to make my struggles.

I am at tech ready all week, so you might get another update, with more or less information.

love ya.